Off Topic Most embarrassing moment

Thanks but it took guts to do what you did.

 

As a teenager I thought I was home alone , mid **** I decided I would be comfier in the bath room - I wasn’t home alone, my dad was on the landing , he pretended he didn’t see and was busy folding towels . I know he did, he knows I know he did . Was never brought up or mentioned.

 

i was full of wind on a busy high street - I walked down a small footpath between the shops into the local church yard - out it came long and noisy - thank God I thought - I turned around and there was a schoolgirl sat on a bench about 3 yards away - I died that day

 

Struggling a bit with this one, won't forget this one tho...


Back when I lived in Stoke-On-Trent.
I wasn't that experienced yet with alcohol (just turned 20), so didn't really know how much I could handle.
I ended up pissed above and beyond on a night out in the **** hole that is Hanley, only memory I got from the time spent out on town was that me and my Scandinavian mates got dogs abuse from some English fella that didn't approve of us speaking languages he didn't know (he wasn't even involved in the convo)
"We're in England, so speak focking English"

He did not approve my example if he'd speak Spanish with his mates if they were on a vacay in Spain

ANYWAY

I end up way too pissed & got sent home in a taxi.
All I remember from coming home is that I decide to "rest" on the couch in the living room before going to my room. I vomit on the floor and pass out.
We had cleaners in the house every Sunday which the company I worked for paid. I remember waking up when hearing a vacuum cleaner in the kitchen.
I look down on the floor and flinch when I see that it's cleaned/smell like detergent.

The poor housemaid has walked into the living room with me passed out, vomit on the floor, etc.
I avoided the housemaids for quite some time after that

 

Where were you having a **** before you went to the bathroom?

Damn just realised my 4 letter word will be censored so the joke will be missed.

When I first read your post I took mid **** to be mid s h i t

Oh never mind.

 

Where you in Stoke in the 1930s?

 

I had a moment at uni, well kind of a string of moments all following on from one another.....whilst a little bit for ale....on a pub staff night out, made a move on a girl, Amy I think, in a club, we'd had a bit of a kiss a few weeks before so thought it was a sure thing. Well, it wasn't, as I brazenly moved forward, she sensibly moved out the way, and I flew forwards, straight into a table....in front of about 10 people I worked with, the table flipped it over as I crashed to the floor throwing drinks and glasses everywhere, all over me.....I'd like to say that was it, but the next thing I remember is waking up at about half 6 in the morning. In the shower, shower on full. Confused I stumbled to my bedroom, and immediately realised why, the whole room was covered in puke, now I was due at work at 10 and feeling pretty appalling so I crawled into a tiny corner of my bed, set my alarm for 9 and went back to sleep..........I was woken just over an hour later, by an enraged house mate shouting that we had a leak in the kitchen. As it turned out, my what must have been 4 or so hour shower without a shower curtain up had resulted in 'a little bit of drippage'. I spent a solid hour and a half trying to clean up the kitchen, mopping up water and disposing of food that I had ruined, admitting defeat I opened all the windows in my room, got some clothes on and on the verge of tears walk/stumbled to work. Arrived at work and did the most half arse pub set up i've ever done, then just before my shift started my stomach started a rumbling, I went to the bogs, pulled down my crackers and exploded, the smells the sound the everything hit me and my gag reflex, I puked in my mouth, tried to whip round and fire it into the bowl, but didn't really get my aim right, I got it on the bowl, on the floor, on my hands and on my clothes. The situation got worse though, still slightly leaking from my anus, a few jets of ****e streamed down the inside of my legs. Oh well. Time to grab a **** load of toilet paper and clean myself up. Only, someone had done a half arsed job of setting the pub up and there was minimal toilet paper to hand. Good times, I cleaned myself up as best I could with the remaining paper and my boxers. Thankfully I had a bedroom in the pub for when I stayed over a couple of nights a week, unthankfully, the members of staff working that day had heard some of the commotion and gathered outside the pub toilets, as I stumbled out stinking of **** and puke they fell about laughing, I see the funny side now, but back then did not. I had another shower upstairs, put some clean clothes on and headed downstairs for what was the longest most agonising 8 hour shift of my life, my performance the previous evening and that morning being widely spread I was as red faced as Alex Ferguson for most of it.

Whilst that was the end of the embarrassment, the pain didn't stop there. Our landlady was due to come round that day, so I'd text my mate to ask him to lock the door to my room so she wouldn't see that horror show that was my bedroom. The ****ing idiot went in there, shut the windows and locked the door. Not having a key for my room, I was a little frustrated to climb a drain pipe to my room and find shut, eventually I had to get a hammer out and knocked the lock through the door, i'm no DIY master but I think my patch job was quite handy....the landlady did not, and charged my for a new door.

 

Any stories that don't involve throwing up or ****ting exploits please?

 

Honestly
It was hard to tell which time period Hanley was stuck it, wasn't present time, can tell you that much

 

Had a part-time job in Westfield Country Club in the late 60's. Had to change a beer keg behind the bar, you know, the sort where you press in the valve then release 2 clips over the collar? Piece of cake if you get the timing right, volcanic eruption if you don't. Beer all over the place, staff, customers the lot. They made me stand over it until I'd got it in right. Funny though, I never got sacked for it.

And I didn't piss, **** or throw up.

 

Sorry
Not sorry

 

Was involved in a bad motor bike smash many years ago in icy weather and totally did my tib and fib. To cut a long story short when the plaster and pins came out some prat had managed to shove a condom under the plaster without me knowing. Funny as fcuk at the time and even the nurses laughed when they saw it but to this day no cnut has actually owned up to it.

 

Was that you? It was that stunning nurses idea. If I'd known it was the one we'd just used I would never have comdomed such behaviour

 

Big question, was it new or was it used?

 

Out of interest, when did they start calling them condoms? It was always a johnny in my youth.

 

Named after a French rugby player FACT

 

...and mine.

Likewise it was always ‘Tansad’ back in those days..now it’s a Pram or buggy.

 

Judging by the replies so far, which one of you was in Cottingham on Sunday??

https://www.hulldailymail.co.uk/new.../cottingham-public-toilets-shut-vomit-3650479

 

Flithy yobs? Doesn't Steven Toast live in Cottingham?