An old fella goes to his local pub and notices a woman of similarly advanced years sat at the bar. He goes up to her and asks if she'd like to join him in a drink to which she willingly agrees. They have a drink or two more, then another one or two and the fella gets up the courage to ask her back to his house. "Oh, well I have had such a lovely evening so why not?" They walk back to the house and the fella has a spring in his step at the thought of what is most certainly on the cards. They get to the house and sit in the living room and before you know it the two of them are making out like teenagers. After a while the fella says "Shall we take this party into the bedroom?" she replies "Sure thing honey but I must warn you that I have got arthritis" not to be deterred our hero says "no worries baby, I'll take good care of you" They get to the bedroom and undress, he is surprised that she has a decent figure for a lady of her age and even more surprised when he looks down and sees he is sporting the biggest hard on he's had in years. After a bit more making out he decides to go down south for his signature moves. As he gets further down he thinks to himself that it is a bit musty but maybe it's just an older lady thing. As he's going down on her the smell is even worse and the taste is absolutely awful. He looks up and says "honey, I have to tell you your pussy smells disgusting" she replies "well I did warn you that I had arthritis" "You mean to say you can get arthritis of the pussy?" "No" she replies "I've got arthritis in my back and I can't bend down to wipe my ass!"
My son is taking part in a social experiment. He has to wear a Man Utd top for 2 weeks to see how the people react. So far he has been spat at, punched and verbally abused. It will be interesting to see what happens when he leaves the house.......
The dog ran off last night, so there I was walking round the park calling his name for 20 minutes but I couldn't find him. My wife said I should look harder, so I shaved my head and got a tattoo. But I still can't find the f**king dog!