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Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #11761
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #11762
  3. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    Shamrock Rovers have just been put in charge of Brexit.

    They have a fantastic record of leaving Europe swiftly.
     
    #11763
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  4. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    Nigel Farage goes into his pub and asks for a pint.

    The barman draws it & throws it into his face.

    “Why did you do that?” Nigel asks.

    “'You asked for a pint,” the barman says. “But you didn't say how you wanted it delivered.”

    Farage replies: “Okay, I’ll have a pint in a pint glass”

    “No. You can't ask again.,” the barman says.

    “Why not?” Farage asks.

    “Democracy,” the barman replies.
     
    #11764
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  5. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #11765
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  6. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #11766
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  7. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    I stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was.
    Then it dawned on me.
     
    #11767
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  8. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    Police are hunting the 'knitting needle nutter' who has stabbed 6 people.
    They believe he could be following some kind of pattern.
     
    #11768
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  9. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    I went to the doctors.
    He said, 'Go over to the window and stick your tongue out.'
    I said, 'Why?'
    He said, 'I don't like my neighbours'
     
    #11769
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  10. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    I told my psychiatrist that I might be a kleptomaniac.
    He gave me tablets and said, "if you're no better in a week bring me a colour TV".
     
    #11770
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  11. antipodean exile

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    #11771
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  12. antipodean exile

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    #11772
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  13. antipodean exile

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    #11773
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  14. antipodean exile

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    #11774
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #11775
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  16. Wooperts_duck

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    #11776
  17. Wooperts_duck

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    #11777
  18. Wooperts_duck

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    #11778
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  19. Wooperts_duck

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    #11779
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Not one of my normal posts. Bit more serious. If anybody knows of any lonely old people who will be eating Christmas dinner alone because they have no family or close friends, can they let me know, I need to borrow some chairs.
     
    #11780

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