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Off Topic Difficult subject ...

Discussion in 'Sunderland' started by Smug in Boots, Dec 1, 2019.

  1. Smug in Boots

    Smug in Boots Well-Known Member

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    ... but it makes you think.

    I was discussing mortality with Mrs Smug earlier.

    I asked her what would be the last thing she'd think about as she passed away. She kindly said it would be me and the places we've been. When I suggested that, in reality, it would be her folks and where she was brought up she smiled and agreed.

    Despite how much I love her I reckon I'd be thinking about my parents, Allendale Cottages and my kids.

    None of us know how we'll feel at the end, and perhaps don't want to think about it, but I've arrived at a point whereby I need to 'put my house in order'.
     
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  2. cumbrianmackem

    cumbrianmackem Well-Known Member

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    Good one Smug
    Like to think it would be immediate family but having seen quite a few pass a way over the years sadly they didn't all die peacefully in bed with a loving family around them.
    There's no definitive answer and I don't know of anyone who came back to tell those around them what those thoughts were.
    Good thought provoking thread though.
     
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  3. Teessidemackem

    Teessidemackem Well-Known Member

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    Id think of my Grandad and my boys. Sadly my grandad isnt with me now. He was an Ex Dam buster and the kindest man anybody could meet. Ill miss him till the day i die.
    My twin 7 year old boys are my absolute now, after splitting up withe their mam 3 years ago id probs not be here now if it wasnt for them to be honest. I totally dote on them both and so proud of the boys they are growing up to be.
     
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  4. Guinness Guzzler

    Guinness Guzzler Well-Known Member

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    One thing I find strange (but comforting) is how much I hate/ am fearful of the idea of dying now (I'm 35) but apparently as we get older we become a lot more accepting of it. Almost like it's nature's way of ensuring it doesn't affect us too much in older age. I'd love to get to a point where I know the bairn is okay, I know I've lived a decent life and, although I won't want to die unless I'm in agonising pain, can be accepting of it and not fearful.

    I imagine I'd think back to my youth, and think of the bairn (and any possible future grand bairns). Just hope I'm not looking back with any regrets
     
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  5. Teessidemackem

    Teessidemackem Well-Known Member

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    His death coincided with me moving out of my marital home and not living with my boys on a full time basis anymore. My ex used to work 10 hour days and i worked shifts so i practically bought them up on my own during the day, doing Mother and Toddlers etc. The thought of not living in the same house as them permanently and then losing my Grandad fecked my head up big time.
    I now have joint custody of them and its my turn to spend Xmas day with them this year. Its still hard but its slowly getting easier
     
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  6. T_Bone

    T_Bone Well-Known Member

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    My thoughts would definitely be with my wife who certainly is my better half and an inspiration to everyone. She is the head of the family. I truly love my two kids too.
    My daughter is a single parent and has a young son who spends a lot of time with us as her job takes her all over the World. My son has two little girls. They’ve all just been for Sunday dinner and although it was noisy and hectic it’s great having your immediate family around you. We all live within a mile of each other.
    I don’t believe in an after life and would give that no thought. My only concern and thoughts would be with my family and I’m pretty sure I’ve done enough to make sure they’ll be okay financially.
    I sometimes think about my cremation and what three or four songs I would have have played. I can never make my mind up. My life story is written out and is in the safe.
    I’m at that age when people you grew up with and worked with are dropping left right and centre. It does come to mind more than it did but I’m not worried by it.
    What will be, will be.
     
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  7. Montysoptician

    Montysoptician Well-Known Member

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    A very profound subject Smug, I do think you are correct and we revert back to our childhood for memories when the time comes to shuffle our mortal coil , I know my wife's mother did.
    I sent you some photos of Allendale on RTG but don't think I sent these four.
    Allendale Bus.jpg Allendale co-op store.jpg The bank from High Westwood to Allendale Cottages in winter.jpg Railway Station.jpg
     
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  8. Smug in Boots

    Smug in Boots Well-Known Member

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    That's wonderful mate, very much appreciated.

    They raised a few tears and they've gone straight off to family.

    Thanks again, made my day.
     
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  9. Conspiracy Theorist

    Conspiracy Theorist Well-Known Member

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    The older I become- it’s noticeable that in my contemplation's, thoughts and reflections have slowly become somewhat more moribund in essence. They’re not depressing or worrying thoughts. Nowadays, feelings about my own demise is not something that I’d fear, unlike in my youth and being bought up in a well-meaning but indoctrinated Catholic regime one’s death would could be seen as a potential punishment (the terrible notion of forever stuck in purgatory!). The inevitability of my death, albeit, is in an abstract way has become an acceptance or a mirror of my contented life. Having been happily married near on 30 odd years and knowing I have four successful and beautiful children- I’m satisfied knowing that they will live on and have their own children, that in itself provides a sobering legacy. Saying that, I still like to believe that in my late 50’s there’s still a couple of good decades left inside me.
     
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  10. T_Bone

    T_Bone Well-Known Member

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    #9 I sincerely hope you do have two more decades left mate. My Mam died aged 54. My Dad died aged 69. I’m 62.
    They both smoked, I never have hopefully that will help me !
    I remember a day in my life some years ago when we were abroad and my daughter was driving us in a car on a road with hairpin bends and sheer drops. I **** mesel.
    I braked at every corner even though I was a passenger in the front seat and saw the local headlines that my son had been orphaned. I kid you not. This was after a coach flew round a bend towards us and missed the front of our car by inches.
    At the end of that journey I hugged my daughter and had tears rolling down my face. That night I had a beer in the hotel bar and got talking to an elderly Scouse fella and told him about this journey and how I genuinely feared for our lives.
    He said “ Son, you are just getting old. The young are fearless, the older you get the closer you are to death”
    That stayed with me.
     
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  11. gelders pie

    gelders pie Well-Known Member

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    What I will consciously think about - if conscious to do so - will depend on the time period from when I realise “ this is it” to “ the end” . However as I believe that only the body dies , I will also be thinking of what will then be lying ahead for me .
     
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  12. T_Bone

    T_Bone Well-Known Member

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    Interesting. What do you think will be lying ahead ?
     
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  13. Toddius

    Toddius Active Member

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    As I grind into middle age (44), and I find bits start to ache and hurt, I have the odd morbid thought. They seem to be wrapped up in 'enough time' at the moment, enough time to do all the things I want? Will my body hold up to do the things I want to? I've always been reasonably fit, but find I'm running to fat a lot easier these days, walking up flights of stairs leaves me working hard for air. I can't seem to do what I used to at the gym, etc...

    It's tough. We all know we owe a death, nothing can stop that. I won't leave a legacy either - no kids.

    I don't believe in God or anything after life. Like my old man says 'yer deed and that's it'. Guess all we can hope for is to not get really sick, keep enough of our marbles to know our name and what day of the week it is and pass away as peacefully as we can. Having seen and done as much of our bucket list as is reasonable. It's all too short innit? Feel like I've been here two minutes, not hurtling towards half a century.
     
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    Last edited: Dec 1, 2019
  14. becs

    becs Well-Known Member

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    My Dad passed away earlier this year. I'd been into the hospital to see him on the afternoon of the Bristol Rovers cup semi. I knew then he was really poorly and I feared the worst. We discussed the match and he knew I was watching it on TV that night. My Mam rang later on to say they were putting him in a side room and he wanted me to ring him later on when the match had finished. I rang and told him all that had happened and he was excited that I was taking the bairns to Wembley again. Mam said she was staying the night with him and I said I would ring in the morning as soon as I got up to see how he was.

    Got up the next morning and rang straightaway. My Mam said he was dozing and his breathing was very shallow. She said to him that it was me on the phone sending my love and he acknowledged that then dozed again. I said bye and put the phone down. A few minutes later, the phone rang and it was my Mam saying he'd gone.

    I was really close to my Dad and I like to think he hung on just to say bye to me as he knew I was going to ring. That conversation with me, my Mam and him would have been the last thing he remembered.
     
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  15. gelders pie

    gelders pie Well-Known Member

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    A continuation of existence , just without our physical body , in a higher level of life ,
     
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  16. Nacho

    Nacho Well-Known Member

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    Absolutely no doubt in my mind that if you're close to your kids you can die happy knowing that they love you and you them.
     
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  17. T_Bone

    T_Bone Well-Known Member

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    I don’t know what you mean. Perhaps you could explain that for me.
     
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  18. Evil Jimmy Krankie

    Evil Jimmy Krankie Well-Known Member

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    Well this is a bit morbid isn’t it? I really don’t know what I’ll think about. It won’t be anything to do with whats coming next because in my mind I’m dead once it happens.
    I have asked my son to take a piece of my ashes and throw them in the Wear. Even though I’ve not lived in Sunderland since 1984 I would like to think it’s a kind of homecoming for me.
    I also hope that I go first. I honestly don’t think I could cope without Mrs EJK. Selfish? Undoubtedly so. But she is a lot stronger than me.
     
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  19. gelders pie

    gelders pie Well-Known Member

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    I’m a spiritualist. I believe that the spirit which we are now ( being carried in this world in a physical body) will live on in the spiritual world.
     
    #19
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  20. Smug in Boots

    Smug in Boots Well-Known Member

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    The 'like' you got there really made me chuckle <laugh>
     
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