Certainties for the season

I can go much lower than that mate.

 

Nicking material off HIAG is as low as it gets.

 

I wasn’t parroting HIAG mate, the day I start mimicking him, is the day I know I’ve got no game left, and it’s time to retire to mumsnet.

 

I wouldn’t bother he’s there already, wumming them about having bigger tits and offering legal advice on failed abortions.

 

I like Soskjaer too much to want that to happen, as for you, you don't rate him so anything is possible.

 

Didn't Fergie finish 13th in his first season? This is Ole's first full season and he's already in 13th.

I think you should keep him. He is definitely the new Fergie.

 

You missed “Poch leaving Spurs,” Bruv.

I’m hoping that I’m not forced to welch on my wager.

 

Ouch!

 

Nor me, yeah?

 

SKY and refs doing their best for scousers to win the league but VAR showing them up for what they are so tight.

 

I know someone on this board who will be fuming when he reads this.

 

Mike Dean to somehow escape being placed in a wicker Pierluigi Collina
ArsenalFanTV to make more in Youtube ad revenue than Ozil gets in performance bonuses
The various ex-Man Utd pundits to talk about the crisis at Spurs and ignore the team six places below them

 

You need better bait than that.

 

180

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leave Cats out of this

 

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Arsenal fan TV will be the gift that goes on giving for another season.

 

Unai Emery's press conferences to get more and more bizarre and unintelligible. Mezut Ozil to have a prolonged period out with a seriously debilitating runny nose.

Podgietina to have a complete meltdown in January when Dodgy Dan informs him that Spurs transfer strategy will be less Isco and more Tesco. Spurs to generate just under £10 million on the combined sales of Toby, Eriksen and Danny Rose.

The Scandawegian Hobbit to utter many more inane platitudes in his annoying pidgeon Manc vernacular:

"The boys done good and the hard work they put in on the training ground has got us a valuable point at home to Norwich and shows the direction that the team and this club is going in".

Pogba has his hair cut again.

Liverpool to lose a game to City and the manic Pronamel manikin to blame everything from VAR to FA scheduling for favouring Pep's team. Predictable scouse wobble commences.

Everton to spunk yet another £100 million on mediocrity.

The Udder Guise to play a sell out concert at the Poole Age Concern Xmas party with their unique brand of Status Quo covers and strangled cat vocals.

Libby's predictions to prove as accurate, astute and successful as his attempts at dog training.

 

Jesus, how long did that take you?

 

With my mind? ... 5 mins max

(Had lots of thinking time on the M25 this morning tbf )