Jeremy Corbyn walks into a Bank to cash a cheque. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning, Ms could you please cash this cheque for me?" Cashier:"It would be my pleasure. Could you please show me your ID?" Corbyn :"Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am Jeremy corbyn, leader of the Labour Party. Cashier:"Yes, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers and requirements of the legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing ID." Corbyn: Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am." Cashier: "I am sorry, mr corbyn, but these are the bank rules and I must follow them." Corbyn,"Come on please, I am urging you, please cash this cheque." Cashier: "Look sir, here is an example of what we can do. One day, Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his cheque." "Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racket and made a fabulous shot where the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that shot we cashed his cheque. So, sir, what can you do to prove that it is you and only you?" Corbyn stands there thinking and thinking and finally says, "Honestly, my mind is a total blank...there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do. I don't have a clue." Cashier: "Will that be large or small notes , Mr Corbyn. ?....
"A Swansea fan, a Newport fan and a Cardiff fan were all in Saudi Arabia drinking a smuggled crate of booze. All of a sudden Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. For their punishment the Saudi Arabia Sheik decided that the punishment should be 20 lashes with a whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik suddenly said: "It is my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping." The Cardiff fan was first in line (he had consumed the least), so he thought about it for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through it. The Cardiff fan had to be carried away bleeding and crying when the punishment was done. The Newport fan was next up (he almost finished a half-keg), and after watching the scene, said: "Choice! Please fix two pillows on my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again. The Swansea fan was the last one up (he had finished off the keg), but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a most beautiful part of Wales, your city has some of the best and most loyal football fans in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!" "Cheers mush, your Most Royal and Merciful highness", the Swansea fan replied. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes." "Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave." The Sheik said with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What is it to be?" the Sheik asked. "Tie that Cardiff fan to my back..."
