Off Topic The Goodhand Arms

"I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have Florets"








* Winner of best joke at Edinburgh festival

 

Personally, I think the Eton joke is the funniest...

Here are the other 9:

2.”Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they’re happy” – Richard Stott
3.”What’s driving Brexit? From here it looks like it’s probably the Duke of Edinburgh” – Milton Jones
4. “A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, ‘Yes, of course. – That’s 20 cows'” – Jake Lambert
5. “A thesaurus is great. There’s no other word for it” – Ross Smith
6. “Sleep is my favourite thing in the world. It’s the reason I get up in the morning” – Ross Smith
7. “I accidentally booked myself onto an escapology course; I’m really struggling to get out of it” – Adele Cliff
8. “After learning six hours of basic semaphore, I was flagging – Richard Pulsford
9. “To be or not to be a horse rider, that is Equestrian” – Mark Simmons
10. “I’ve got an Eton-themed advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad’s contacts” – Ivo Graham

 

I once lost my favourite thesaurus and couldn’t find the words to describe how upset I was.

 

Went to see. Once upon a time in Hollywood last night . I really enjoyed it.

 

Didn’t even realise plastic was so tough

 

Amazing material

 

Didn’t realise it was so durable/tough no wonder if wrongly discarded it takes millions of years to break down.

 

I'm more worried that the insides of the can needs to be plastic as coke must be so corrosive to you that the aluminium outer isn't strong enough

 

Here’s your proof No7

 

And another.

 

The metal tube in pub drinks dispensers dissolve and need replacing more often in the cola dispensers.

 

Pour it down your toilet and see how clean it makes it .... then never drink it again.

Edit: just seen Richie’s video

 

Tbf to plastic, it is a miracle material. It's our own bloody fault;t that it has become a problem. It needn't have been so.

So many of those 20th century technologies that are coming back to haunt us were not completely understood when they were invented.

 

A friend of mine from Yorkshire drinks Dr Pepper without a break. He's the size of a house and has tremendous stomach problems and pains. He downgraded from everlastingly drinking Coke. He's 35 and has the gastric problems of an 80 year old who is sedentary. He's just coming round to the fact that those soft drinks he imbibes might be the major part of his problems. But how do you undo a 20 year old habit when you don't like tea, coffee, beer, fruit juice, squash, Oh and water. He doesn't mind milk, but that's no good for an adult.

 

My Dad is in his 70s, pretty fit, yet drunk approximately a litre of coke a day. It may be why his hands are so bad with chronic arthritis!

 

Someone once accused me of being a plagiarist.

Their words not mine.

 

I regret rubbing ketchup in my eyes.


But that’s Heinz sight for you.

 

That tickled me

 

Indeed it may.

 

At the moment I am looking after two dogs. Here in Mallorca I take them to Son Serra Marina where there are wonderful beaches that are not overpopulated, in the early evening to enable them to have a run. I took them there twice last week. On Sunday, I noticed how fantastic their coats were - so I analysed their activities - digging in the sand like crazy and lying down in it, washing it off in the sea and then frollicking in the seaweed on the way back to the car.