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JACK-ANORY FOR A FUNNY STORY - Joke Thread & Comedy Club

Discussion in 'Swansea City' started by swimaway, Jun 18, 2011.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    He recently retired and drove his brand new Corvette Stingray out of the dealership. Taking the on ramp west the interstate, he floored it to 80 mph enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left.

    “Amazing,” he thought as he continued, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear-view mirror, he saw a State Trooper behind him, lights flashing and sirens blaring. He floored it to 100 MPH, then 120, then 150. Suddenly, he thought, “What am I doing? I’m too old for this,” and pulled over to await the troopers arrival. Pulling up behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said “Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is my Friday. If you can give me a reason I’ve never heard before, I’ll let you go.”

    The gentleman paused. Then he said, “years ago my wife ran off with a MI State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.”

    “Have a good day Sir!” replied the trooper.
     
    #5301
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 15, 2019
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5302
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 16, 2019
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5303
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 16, 2019
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5304
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 16, 2019
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5305
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 16, 2019
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  6. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5306
    kiwiqpr, Aug 16, 2019
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  7. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    A young monk arrives at the monastery. He isassigned to helpingthe other monks in copying the old canonsand laws of the church, byhand.
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    Henotices, however, that all of the monks arecopying from copies, not from the original manuscript.
    So, the new monk goes to the Old Abbot to questionthis, pointingout that if someone made even a smallerror in the first copy, itwould never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in allofthe subsequent copies.

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    The head monk, says, "We have been copyingfrom the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."

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    Hegoes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the originalmanuscripts are held as archives, in a locked vaultthat hasn'tbeen opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the Old Abbot.
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    So,the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He seeshim banging his head against the wall and wailing.
    "Wemissed the
    R

    We missed the
    R

    We missed the bloody
    R
    Hisforehead is all bloody and bruised and he iscrying uncontrollably.
    The young monk asks the old Abbot,"What's wrong, father?"
    Witha choking voice, the old Abbot replies,
    "The word was ....
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    CELEBRATE!"
     
    #5307
    kiwiqpr, Aug 16, 2019
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5308
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 17, 2019
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5309
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 18, 2019
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  10. swantastic

    swantastic Well-Known Member

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    Screenshot_20190818-015244.png 20190818_015742.png
     
    #5310
    swantastic, Aug 18, 2019
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  11. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Chili powder is not an acceptable substitute for baby powder.

    I know that now.
     
    #5311
    kiwiqpr, Aug 18, 2019
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  12. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5312
    kiwiqpr, Aug 18, 2019
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  13. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5313
    kiwiqpr, Aug 18, 2019
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5314
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 18, 2019
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5315
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 18, 2019
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #5316
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 18, 2019
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Latest offering from the Poet Laureate.........

    • Spider spider on the wall,
    • You think you're smart, you know fcuk all,
    • You've climbed a wall that's just been plastered,
    • And now you're stuck you stupid bastard.
     
    #5317
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 18, 2019
    daimungeezer, kiwiqpr, swantastic and 2 others like this.
  18. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5318
    kiwiqpr, Aug 18, 2019
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  19. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5319
    kiwiqpr, Aug 18, 2019
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  20. neveroffsidereff

    neveroffsidereff Well-Known Member

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    Good preparation there for jail. They don’t want to be a tease when they get banged up. Oops they have been banged up, right up the rear alley.
     
    #5320
    neveroffsidereff, Aug 18, 2019
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