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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Mick says to Paddy "Whats wrong Paddy, you look sick"? "I want to sell my car but no one will buy it. It's done 96,000 miles"

    "Why don't you put the clock back, it'll sell then"

    "Good idea says Paddy, I'll do that"

    Two weeks later, Mick sees Paddy and asks him about the car. "Did you sell it mate"?

    "Why should I sell a car that's only done 12,000 miles....
     
    #6421
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 19, 2019
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  2. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #6422
    kiwiqpr, Jul 22, 2019
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  3. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #6423
    kiwiqpr, Jul 22, 2019
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  4. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Sheila, the Aussie housewife, got out of the shower and slipped on the bathroom floor.
    Instead of falling over forwards or backwards, she did the splits and suction-cupped herself to the floor.
    She yelled out for her husband, "Bruce! Bruce!" Bruce came running in.
    "Bruce, I've F***ing suctioned myself to the floor," she said.
    "S'truth," Bruce said, and tried to pull her up. "You're stuck fast girl.
    I'll go across the road and get me mate Wayne to help."
    They came back and they both tried to pull her up.
    "No way, we can't do it," Wayne said, "so let's try Plan B."
    "Plan B," exclaimed Bruce, "what's that?"
    "I'll go home and get me hammer and chisel and we'll break the tiles under her," replied Wayne.
    "Spot on," Bruce said, "while you're doing that, I'll stay here and play with her nipples."
    "Play with her nipples?"
    Wayne said, "Not exactly a good time for that mate!"
    "No," Bruce replied, "but I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we
    can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles are less expensive...
     
    #6424
    kiwiqpr, Jul 22, 2019
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6425
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 22, 2019
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  6. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #6426
    kiwiqpr, Jul 22, 2019
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6427
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 22, 2019
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  8. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #6428
    kiwiqpr, Jul 23, 2019
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  9. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    When the insurance company wants you to draw a sketch of your accident
    please log in to view this image
     
    #6429
    kiwiqpr, Jul 24, 2019
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6430
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 24, 2019
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6431
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 24, 2019
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6432
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 24, 2019
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #6433
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 24, 2019
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  14. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #6434
    kiwiqpr, Jul 25, 2019
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  15. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #6435
    kiwiqpr, Jul 25, 2019
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  16. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #6436
    kiwiqpr, Jul 25, 2019
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  17. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #6437
    kiwiqpr, Jul 28, 2019
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  18. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    I had an interview for a yoga teacher position. I had to bend over backwards to get it.
     
    #6438
    kiwiqpr, Jul 28, 2019
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  19. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #6439
    kiwiqpr, Jul 28, 2019
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  20. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #6440
    kiwiqpr, Jul 28, 2019
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Page 322 of 747
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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