My Building Permit: I just applied for a building permit for a new house. It was going to be 100 ft tall and 400 ft wide with 9 turrets at various heights and windows all over the place and a loud outside entertainment sound system. It would have parking for 200 cars and I was going to paint it snot green with tatty pink trim. The City Council told me to go to hell. So I sent in the application again, but this time I called it a Mosque. .........Work starts on Monday...
The judge says to a double-homicide defendant, " You're charged with beating your brother to death with a hammer." A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard!" The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in- law to death with a hammer." The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You rotten bastard!" The judge stops and says to Harry in the back of the courtroom, "Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at these crimes, but no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with contempt. Is that understood?" Harry stands up and says, "I'm sorry, Your Honour, but for fifteen years I've lived next door to this arsehole, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one!!..
