The first time I asked a woman to make love to me my hands were sweating and shaking uncontrollably... I'd never pointed a gun at anyone before....
A prostitute goes to see a gynecologist with severe stomach pains. After she had stripped off and the doctor had examined her, he said "The issue is with your aviaries". She said "Don't you mean ovaries doctor?" He replied "No, there's been a cockatoo in there!".............
I ended up with this stunner the other night who assured me she was a virgin. Things were going great, but after a bit of groping around she pushed me away. "Don"t tell me," I sighed, "you want to wait for Mr Right?" "No..." she replied, "Mr Big will do..."
Strange to see so many tattoos on professional football players, considering how low their pain threshold is........
A group of four-year-olds were trying very hard to become accustomed to school. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk! "You need to use 'Big People' words," she was always reminding them. "John what did you do over the weekend?" "I went to visit my Nana." "No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use 'Big People' words!" She then asked Mitchell what he had done. "I took a ride on a choo-choo." "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use 'Big People' words," she said. She then asked little Alex what he had done. "I read a book," he replied. "That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?" Alex thought very hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride and said, "Winnie the SH*T."
I was up in the attic recently, and found my grandpa’s old wig weaving machine. It's a family hair loom
