My sex change operation from male to female last week went really well. In fact it was so successful I'm still trying to reverse out of the hospital car park.
Just had two Police Officers at my door! They said; “Are you familiar with the letters HB?” I replied, “No, I’m not.” “How about LS?” “No.” “What about JD?” I asked, “Hang on a minute, am I a suspect or something?” The police officers said, “No, these are just initial enquiries.”
I was walking past the pub the other night and I heard a brilliant rendition of Sweet Home Alabama being played by a chap on guitar. I went in and recognised the musician as our local magistrate. I told him I thought he was a wonderful player and could I get him to play at my party the next week. He said he’d love to but that he was fed up playing other people’s songs all the time and rarely got a chance to play his own material. I said no problem, I’m sure you’ll be great. As luck would have it his own stuff was terrible and the night was ruined… Anyway, I’ve learnt my lesson and now know I should never book a judge by his cover…
I rang up Sea World earlier and they asked me to say "Jump through the hoop" 3 times.. Apparently my call may be used for training porpoises
I asked my girlfriend if I was the only one she’d ever been with?' She replied, “Yes, all the others have been nines and tens”.
