I hate it when parents name their kids after s*it they can’t afford. Mercedes Ruby Porche Lecky Gas Phone bill Council tax.....
A man was in a long line at his local Tesco store. As he got to the check out he realised he had forgotten to get condoms, so he asked the checkout girl if she could have some brought up to the register. She asked, "What size condoms?" The customer replied that he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did. She reached over the counter, grabbed hold of him and called over the intercom, "One box of large condoms, Checkout 5." The next man in line thought this was interesting, and like most of us, was up for a cheap thrill. When he got up to the check out, he told the girl that he too had forgotten to get condoms, and asked if she could have some brought to the check out for him. She asked him what size, and he stated that he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did. She gave him a quick feel, picked up the intercom and said, "One box of medium-sized condoms, Checkout 5." A few customers back was this teenage boy. He thought what he had seen was way too cool. He had never had any type of sexual contact with a live female, so he thought this was his chance. When he got to the check out he told the girl he needed some condoms. She asked him what size and he said he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants and he did. She reached over the counter, gave him a quick squeeze then picked up the intercom and said... "Mop and bucket to Checkout 5
Two guys are chatting in hospital. first one says "I'm in for an endoscopy, they are going to see whats going on down my throat! "What you in for?" Second guy says! "A camera up my butt!" The other guy says! "Colonoscopy its called!" The other guy replies! "No....camera up the butt,......my wife caught me taking pictures of our neighbour's tits!
A bloke went on Stars in their eyes. Mathew Kelly said, "welcome to the show Simon. I hear you are very lucky to be with us tonight. Please tell the audience what happened" Well Matthew, I was in a terrible accident with my uncle and sadly he was killed. I lost my right arm and my right leg but they found that my uncles leg and arm were completely compatible with mine so they grafted them on to my body and here I am Mathew. Perfectly well. Mathew Kelly said, That's absolutely wonderful news isn't it ladies and gentlemen. So tell us Simon, who are you going to be tonight and he replied, Tonight Matthew, I'm going to be Simon and half uncle.
My friend ordered a new TV in readiness for next year’s Premier League, sad news for him that it came with no Leeds.....
