Just phoned the police and said there's 2 girls fighting over me, The operator said sorry ," that's not an emergency ! I said of course it is... the ugly ones winning... please log in to view this image
Trust is the most important thing in a relationship. Because, if you're with a woman, and you don't 100% trust her, how do you know she's not going to tell your wife?
This is the best hotel in the area to have an affair or cheat on your wife. I myself had an affair with a woman named Michele who I work with. My wife found the hotel receipt online and phoned the hotel who told her I indeed checked in with my wife. The beds are large and comfortable and perfect for having sex with women who are also not your wife. The bathrooms are clean. The staff is friendly and there is ample parking just in case you decide to meet your partner (who you are cheating on your wife with) there in separate vehicles. I definitely plan on going there again the next time I need to get some cheating done. Then again, I won’t have to cheat anymore as my wife is leaving me as soon as she’s done writing this review from my Yelp account. Also I have a tiny penis and sometimes sleep in women’s panties.
A guy walks into a pub, gets a seat next to a really attractive MILF. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch. "She says "Date running late?" He says "Nope, i just got this state of the art watch and i was just testing it" She said "State of the art, what's so special about it?" He said, well it uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically" She says, "What's it telling you now?" He said , "Well it's telling me you ain't wearing any panties!" She laughs, "Well it must be broken, because i am" He taps the watch and says "S*it it's an hour fast!!!!"
Wife came home from work to find her husband watching the football. "I've decided I'm leaving you, all you do is talk about football. You think about nothing else," she said. "I'm also seeing someone else. He's younger than you, handsome, understanding, tender, treats me like a queen, does anything I ask, has a 9 inch dick and ****s me hard and dirty till I can't take anymore." "Really?" The husband replies. "What football team does he support?"
An Irish Road Accident.. Paddy phones an Ambulance because his mate's been hit by a Car. Paddy: 'Get an Ambulance here quick, he's bleeding from his nose and ears and I tink both his legs are broken.' Operator: 'What is your location sir?' Paddy: 'Outside number 28, Eucalyptus Street ...' Operator: 'How do you spell that sir"..??? Silence.... (heavy breathing) and after a minute. Operator: 'Are you there sir"..?? More heavy breathing and another minute later. Operator: 'Sir, can you hear me'..?? This goes on for another few minutes until.... Operator: 'Sir, please answer me. Can you still hear me".?? Paddy: 'Yes, sorry bout dat... I couldn't spell Eucalyptus, so I just dragged him round to number 3, Oak Street.
A young woman walks into a sex shop. She slowly walks up to the cashier at the counter and asks. “d-d-d-d-d-do you s-s-s-s-sell d-d-d-d-dildos?” The cashier responds. “Yes we do” The woman says “d-d-d-d-do you s-s-s-s-sell b-b-b-b-big d-d-d-d-dildos that c-c-come wit-with a vi-vi-vi-vibrator?” Once again the cashier responds “Yes we do” The woman says “d-d-d-d-do you n-n-n-n-n-know h-h-h-h-h-h-how to t-t-t-t-turn them off?”
A young man pulled an older woman at a club last night. She was very attractive for 57. They drank a bit, had a bit of a snog & she asked if he'd ever had the sportsman's double, a mother and daughter threesome? He said no. They drank a bit more, then she said that tonight was his lucky night. He went back to her place. She put the hall light on and shouted upstairs: "Mum, are you still awake?"
Jeremy Corbyn has refused to attend a Dinner with Donald Trump. Like a true Statesman, Trump has offered to attend Corbyn's funeral.......
