A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away. As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for 10 more years and then dies. They have another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"
This guy thought he had the greatest tattoo ever. Until he went to prison. please log in to view this image
Just been to see the worst faith healer I've ever seen A bloke in a wheelchair even got up and walked out.........
please log in to view this image As a guitarist, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play. The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I’ve never played before for this homeless man. And as I played ‘Amazing Grace,’ the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my guitar and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full. As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.” Apparently, I’m still lost…
Wanna know secret on how to make a woman go mmmmmmmmm all night? ................... ................... ................... Duct tape
I met Elkie Brooks at Crufts and asked her if I could guess the name of her dog. "Yes", she said, "but you're a fool if you think it's Rover".
I remember pretending to be asleep so my parents would carry me to bed and they’d say: “You’re a middle aged man, we’re pensioners, you don’t even live here, go home.”
