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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. mustyfrog

    mustyfrog Well-Known Member

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    A married couple were on holiday in Jamaica. They were touring around the market-place looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop. From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, 'You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop.'
    So the married couple walked in. The Jamaican said to them, 'I 'ave some special sandals I tink you would be interested in. Dey makes you wild at sex.'
    Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the Sex God that he was.

    The husband asked the man, 'How could sandals make you a sex freak?'
    The Jamaican replied, 'Just try dem on, Mon.'
    Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen before!! In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him over the table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's thighs.
    The Jamaican began screaming.

    'You got dem on de wrong feet!'
     
    #5321
    mustyfrog, Jan 5, 2019
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    The BBC are always rejecting my sitcom ideas. Now they don't like three female cops dealing with crime in Lancashire.

    I had such hopes for Chorley's Angels...
     
    #5322
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 6, 2019
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Didley Squat and 1 other person like this.
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #5323
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 6, 2019
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig?

    The letter F ...
     
    #5324
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 6, 2019
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    • I asked my deaf/mute neighbour to stop parking his car on my drive.

    • He got quite angry, you should have seen the language.....
     
    #5325
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 6, 2019
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #5326
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 6, 2019
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  7. BluefromBridgend

    BluefromBridgend Well-Known Member

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    IMG-20190107-WA0005.jpg
     
    #5327
    BluefromBridgend, Jan 7, 2019
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #5328
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 8, 2019
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #5329
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 8, 2019
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    Doing really well so far for dry January.

    I haven't had a shower for 6 days now.....
     
    #5330
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 8, 2019
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  11. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5331
    kiwiqpr, Jan 9, 2019
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  12. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5332
    kiwiqpr, Jan 9, 2019
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  13. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5333
    kiwiqpr, Jan 9, 2019
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  14. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5334
    kiwiqpr, Jan 9, 2019
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  15. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
     
    #5335
    kiwiqpr, Jan 9, 2019
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #5336
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 9, 2019
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #5337
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 9, 2019
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    My Chinese neighbour said he's just opened a crows shop. Speaking slowly, I said "you mean a *clothes* shop?"

    He says, "No, a crows shop - come in and have a rook."
     
    #5338
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 9, 2019
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #5339
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 9, 2019
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    Apparently Julie Andrews will no longer be endorsing Rimmel Vibrant Shades lipstick, as she claims it breaks too easily, and makes her breath smell. In a statement, she said:

    “This super colour fragile lipstick gives me halitosis.”

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    #5340
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 9, 2019
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Page 267 of 835
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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