You know you"re Taliban if... You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer. You own a 3000 quid machine gun and 5000 quid rocket launcher, but you can"t afford shoes. You have more wives than teeth. You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon "unclean." You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide. You can"t think of anyone you HAVEN"T declared Jihad against. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs. You"ve often uttered the phrase, "I love what you"ve done with your cave." You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one. You bathe at least monthly whether necessary or not. You"ve ever had a crush on your neighbour"s goat.
I hate Christmas shopping for the wife, just wasted 45 minutes in a queue to discover Poundland don’t do gift vouchers.
I never wanted to believe that my father stole from his job as a road worker. But when I got home all the signs were there....
please log in to view this image Off to Parliament to see if Jeremy Corbyn fancies calling One a “stupid woman” too...
please log in to view this image Off to Parliament to see if Jeremy Corbyn fancies calling One a “stupid woman” too...
What's the difference between PMT and BSE? One attacks the cow's brain and sends it fcuking mental, and the other is some kind of agricultural problem.
During one of our lessons I asked the children what their fathers did for a living. "My Dad runs the fire station. He's the station officer." Said Simon. "Very good Simon. Anyone else?" "My Dad runs the local supermarket. He's the store manager" Said David. "Very Good David. Anyone else?" "My Dad runs the local prison," piped up Billy. "Excellent Billy. Is he the prison governor?" I asked. "No Sir, he's just the hardest b*stard in there!!..
A Scouser was touring the USA on holiday and stopped in a remote bar in the hills of Nevada. He was chatting to the bartender when he spied an old Indian sitting in the corner. He had tribal gear on, long white plaits, wrinkled face. “Who’s he?” said the scouser. “That’s the Memory Man.” said the bartender. “He knows everything. He can remember any fact. Go and try him out.” So the scouser goes over, and thinking he won’t know about English football, asks “Who won the 1965 FA Cup Final?” “Liverpool,” replies the Memory Man. “Who did they beat?” “Leeds,” was the reply. “And the score?” “2-1.” “Who scored the winning goal?” “Ian St. John,” was the old man’s reply. The scouser was knocked out by this and told everyone back home about the Memory Man when he returned. A few years later he went back to the USA and tried to find the impressive Memory Man. Eventually he found the bar and sitting in the same seat was the old Indian only this time he was older and more wrinkled. Because he was so impressed, the scouser decided to greet the Indian in his native tongue. He approached him with the greeting “How”. The Memory man replied, “Diving header in the six yard box!!
please log in to view this image So, it would appear that we haven't been taking the threats about no planes after Brexit seriously enough
