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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #5241
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 18, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, Gordon Armstrong and 1 other person like this.
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    • You know you"re Taliban if...
    • You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.
    • You own a 3000 quid machine gun and 5000 quid rocket launcher, but you can"t afford shoes.
    • You have more wives than teeth.
    • You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon "unclean."
    • You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
    • You can"t think of anyone you HAVEN"T declared Jihad against.
    • You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
    • You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
    • You"ve often uttered the phrase, "I love what you"ve done with your cave."
    • You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.
    • You bathe at least monthly whether necessary or not.
    • You"ve ever had a crush on your neighbour"s goat.
     
    #5242
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 19, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, Didley Squat and 2 others like this.
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    I hate Christmas shopping for the wife, just wasted 45 minutes in a queue to discover Poundland don’t do gift vouchers.
     
    #5243
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 19, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, Didley Squat and 1 other person like this.
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #5244
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 19, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, Didley Squat and 2 others like this.
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #5245
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 19, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, Didley Squat and 2 others like this.
  6. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Off to Parliament to see if Jeremy Corbyn fancies calling One a “stupid woman” too...
     
    #5246
    kiwiqpr, Dec 20, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Didley Squat and 2 others like this.

  7. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5247
    kiwiqpr, Dec 20, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Didley Squat and 2 others like this.
  8. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5248
    kiwiqpr, Dec 20, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Didley Squat and 2 others like this.
  9. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    I work with a Chinese guy called Kim and one time at a works function, we were having a drink and I said to him "Do you ever get fed up of us Westerners saying that all Chinese people look the same"?
    He replied "Kim's at the bar getting drinks, I'm his wife"
     
    #5249
    kiwiqpr, Dec 20, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Didley Squat and 1 other person like this.
  10. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5250
    kiwiqpr, Dec 20, 2018
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  11. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #5251
    kiwiqpr, Dec 20, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Gordon Armstrong and 2 others like this.
  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    • What's the difference between PMT and BSE?

    • One attacks the cow's brain and sends it fcuking mental, and the other is some kind of agricultural problem.
     
    #5252
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 20, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Gordon Armstrong and 1 other person like this.
  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #5253
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 20, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Didley Squat like this.
  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #5254
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 20, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Didley Squat like this.
  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #5255
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 21, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, San Diego and 2 others like this.
  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    During one of our lessons I asked the children what their fathers did for a living.
    "My Dad runs the fire station. He's the station officer." Said Simon.
    "Very good Simon. Anyone else?"
    "My Dad runs the local supermarket. He's the store manager" Said David.
    "Very Good David. Anyone else?"
    "My Dad runs the local prison," piped up Billy.
    "Excellent Billy. Is he the prison governor?" I asked.
    "No Sir, he's just the hardest b*stard in there!!..
     
    #5256
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 21, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, San Diego and 2 others like this.
  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #5257
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 21, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, San Diego and 2 others like this.
  18. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    So, it would appear that we haven't been taking the threats about no planes after Brexit seriously enough
     
    #5258
    kiwiqpr, Dec 21, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Wooperts_duck and 1 other person like this.
  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #5259
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 21, 2018
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    I'm joining the drone party, they stopped more immigration in one day than Labour or the Tories have done in 100 years.....
     
    #5260
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 21, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego and Gordon Armstrong like this.
Page 263 of 835
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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