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Scenes we'd like to see

Discussion in 'Newcastle United' started by u408379965, Sep 4, 2011.

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  1. TheLittleGeordie

    TheLittleGeordie Active Member

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    Unlikely lines from Steve Bruces autobiography
    "And I swore that would be the last time i would play Titus Bramble"

    Unlikely lines from match of the day
    "and up first it's Blackburn vs Stoke"
     
    #41
    TheLittleGeordie, Sep 4, 2011
  2. u408379965

    u408379965 Well-Known Member

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    Things you wouldn't hear during Soccer Saturday:

    Jeff Stelling: Over to Geoff Shreeves who's at the Stadium of Light ahead of today's lunchtime kickoff.
    Geoff Shreeves: I tell you what, they leave it late at Sunderland, kick off is only five minutes away and the ground's only half full.
     
    #42
    u408379965, Sep 4, 2011
  3. Gutierrez's Right Boot

    Gutierrez's Right Boot Well-Known Member

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    Things you wouldn't hear during Soccer Saturday:

    Jeff Stelling: Over to Geoff Shreeves who's at the Riverside ahead of today's lunchtime kickoff.
    Kammy: Its unbelievable Jeff its a sell out
     
    #43
    Gutierrez's Right Boot, Sep 4, 2011
  4. The Monochrome Sett

    The Monochrome Sett Member

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    Unlikely NUFC press releases: "And now, a word from Mr Ashley regarding our future spending plans..."

    Unlikely quotes from Steve Bruce's autobiography: "It is inaccurate to say that I am Fergie's bitch. I prefer the term "lapdog"."

    Unlikely Joey Barton Tweets: God, I hate being the centre of attention - time to quit while I'm ahead and log out for good #anythingforaquietlife

    Questions that wouldn't be asked at an England press conference: "Any chance of putting Lampard out of his misery seeing as he's past it?"

    Unlikely things for Pardew to say: "I think I'll let the boss answer this one..."
     
    #44
    The Monochrome Sett, Sep 4, 2011
  5. NUFCtomw362

    NUFCtomw362 Active Member

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    Unlikely things for Pardew to say: *Nothing*
     
    #45
    NUFCtomw362, Sep 4, 2011
  6. Sidthemackem

    Sidthemackem Newcastle United 0-1 Cambridge United Staff Member

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    Unlikely NUFC press releases: We're getting rid of all references to Sports Direct at the stadium

    Unlikely quotes from Steve Bruce's autobiography: I could always beat Mike Ashley at the post-derby game pie eating contest

    Unlikely Joey Barton Tweets: Born again! Born again!

    Unlikely CWarr Tweets: Anything sensible

    Questions that wouldn't be asked at an England press conference: Are you completely ****ing clueless, Fabio?

    Things a Middlesbrough tour guide wouldn't say: Since the introduction of the Clean Air Act...

    Things you wouldn't hear during Soccer Saturday: We're just a bunch of old has-beens, aren't we?

    Unlikely things to hear a Sky Sports News reporter say: I had that Rupert Murdoch's wife in the back of the studio once...

    Unlikely Stadium of Light PA announcements: Welcome to reigning champions, Newcastle....

    Unlikely things for Pardew to say: I'm only in it for the pay-off. Five year contracts are wonderful things.

    Unlikely things to hear on Match of the Day: I could listen to you all day, Alan...
     
    #46
    Sidthemackem, Sep 4, 2011

  7. P.T.N

    P.T.N Active Member

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    Unlikely Stadium of Light PA announcements: "This is an urgent message to the Sunderland supporter sitting in Row B, Bloc L29 of the North Stand. Congratulations, you're going to become a Dad! You're sister has gone into labour"
     
    #47
    P.T.N, Sep 4, 2011
  8. Sidthemackem

    Sidthemackem Newcastle United 0-1 Cambridge United Staff Member

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    Tasteful. Glad you appreciate it's unlikely though <ok>
     
    #48
    Sidthemackem, Sep 5, 2011
  9. P.T.N

    P.T.N Active Member

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    Things a Middlesbrough tour guide wouldn't say: "Ladies and Gentleman! I would like to give you a warm welcome to the European City of Culture 2011"
     
    #49
    P.T.N, Sep 5, 2011
  10. Smudger

    Smudger Active Member

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    Things a Middlesbrough tour guide wouldn't say: on your right is the world renowned Riverside stadium, host to the Champions League final!
     
    #50
    Smudger, Sep 5, 2011
  11. P.T.N

    P.T.N Active Member

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    Unlikely Cwarr Tweets: "I'd just like to apologise to all Newcastle fans for my actions over recent months. All my transfer talk was, indeed bollocks. And for that, I apologise. Especially to people who I may have gotten the hopes up of. There should be no excuses for what I have done. I've just been so bored since I lost my job @NOTW. I just needed somewhere to fill my ****e"
     
    #51
    P.T.N, Sep 5, 2011
  12. Welshie

    Welshie Chavcunt fanboy dickhead

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    Unlikely lines from Steve Bruces autobiography: "After defeating Newcastle AGAIN, I quickly woke from my nightmare to find myself snuggled up with Mr. Ashley in our care bear bedding.
     
    #52
    Welshie, Sep 5, 2011
  13. TJR_NUFC

    TJR_NUFC Well-Known Member

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    Unlikely Stadium of Light PA announcements: Sunderland have done the double over Newcastle, next up a song from our legendary manger Steve Bruce

    Unlikely things for Pardew to say: The truth
     
    #53
    TJR_NUFC, Sep 5, 2011
  14. P.T.N

    P.T.N Active Member

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    Unlikely quotes from Steve Bruce's autobiography: "And, it was then and there I realised. On that warm Sunday afternoon, eating Chicken Nuggets, while Titus Bramble and Lee Hendrie were upstairs playing with my daughter. That I realised, Nora Batty, was in fact. My mother."
     
    #54
    P.T.N, Sep 5, 2011
  15. Geordie Gashead

    Geordie Gashead Active Member

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    Things you wouldn't hear a commentator say: And my co-commentator for this African Cup Of Nations final will be Ron Atkinson
     
    #55
    Geordie Gashead, Sep 5, 2011
  16. KingoStarr

    KingoStarr Active Member

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    Scenes:

    Unlikely NUFC press releases: "...and on a final note we'd like to add that next season Joe Kinnear will be coming back as Childs sports ambassador"

    Unlikely quotes from Steve Bruce's autobiography: "After another loss to Newcastle I went to the bookies and as I watched the racing it was at that point I realised me and Clare Balding shared the same hairdresser"

    Unlikely Joey Barton Tweets: "Just got out the bath.... #squeekybumtime"

    Unlikely things to hear a Sky Sports News reporter say: "...and it's back to St James' Park where another world class striker has been signed!"

    Unlikely Stadium of Light PA announcements: We're the best team in the north east... But the full time score in today's league 2 match Sunderland 0-4 Middlesborough

    Unlikely things to hear on Match of the Day: Hansen: "great defending from Newcastle there"
    Lawro: "yeh they've been on a good run I really think they can beat Liverpool in the next game"
     
    #56
    KingoStarr, Sep 5, 2011
  17. u408379965

    u408379965 Well-Known Member

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    Unlikely things for Pardew to say: "Leon Best continues to give me a real headache, so we're off to Furniture Village tomorrow to pick up a padded mattress."

    Unlikely things to hear on Match of the Day:

    Motson: Bramble's touch letting him down there
    Lawro: Touch of a rapist John.
    Motson: Well it's not the first time the accusation has been made.
     
    #57
    u408379965, Sep 5, 2011
  18. P.T.N

    P.T.N Active Member

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    <laugh>
     
    #58
    P.T.N, Sep 5, 2011
  19. Tino's Drunken Monkey

    Tino's Drunken Monkey Member

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    @joeybarton7 'as a famous philosopher once said: "Naughty, naughty. Very naughty' #sickofintellectualposturing
     
    #59
    Tino's Drunken Monkey, Sep 5, 2011
  20. Gutierrez's Right Boot

    Gutierrez's Right Boot Well-Known Member

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    And we go over to the coverage of the womans FA Cup Final presented by Richard Keys and Andy Gray

    Keys "nice pass by number 7"
    Gray "Ah yes they are knocking on the back door now"
    Keys "lets not go there Andy"
     
    #60
    Gutierrez's Right Boot, Sep 5, 2011
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