A drunken lady leapt into a taxi stark naked. Sachin, the Indian taxi driver made no attempt to drive off. "What's wrong with you Luv, haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?" "I'll not be staring at you lady, I am telling you, that would not be proper, where I am coming from..." "Well, if you're not bloody staring at me Luvie, what are you doing then?" "Well, I am looking and looking, and I am thinking and thinking to myself, where is this lady keeping the money to be paying me with?!"
Started a new job as a postman today , my first delivery had a note on the door saying " If no one is in hide in the garage " That’s 8 hours I’ve been hiding and still nobody’s found me......
BREAKING NEWS - Dianne Abbott has withdrawn her resignation after it was explained to her she's not in the Conservative Party ... please log in to view this image
A gynaecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and paperwork, and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skilful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a car mechanic. He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could. When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynaecologist prepared carefully for weeks and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the Instructor, saying "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade?" The instructor said "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark." After a pause, the instructor added "I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the exhaust, which I've never seen done in my entire career."
