A Muslim bloke I work with was bragging he had the entire Koran on DVD. Being interested, I asked him to burn me a copy. Well, that’s when it all kicked off!
A woman was dating a doctor. In the weeks that followed, she learned that she is pregnant. About nine months later, just about the time she is scheduled to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection. The doctor dating the woman says, "I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle." "Do you think it will work?" she asks. "It's worth a try." he says. So, the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest. After the operation he goes up to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this." "What?" asks the priest, "what happened?". "You gave birth to a child!" "But that's impossible!" says the priest. "I just did the operation," insists the doctor, "it's a miracle! Here's your baby." About fifteen years go by, and the priest realizes he must tell his son the truth. One day, he sits the boy down and says, "Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father." The son says, "What do you mean, you're not my father?" The priest replies, "I am your mother. The archbishop is your father."
A recent survey says that the first car you drive is as memorable as your first kiss. This is very true. I still remember mine, an old banger that stank of piss. Can't think what the car was though!
Zookeeper says to Paddy "The gorilla is on heat and we need someone to have sex with it. Would you consider shagging it for £500?" Paddy replies "I will on 3 conditions: 1. I'm not gonna kiss it. 2. My family must never know. 3. I'll need a couple of weeks to get the cash together!"
