My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way; my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend, well... She was a dream!!!! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was 20 years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day, little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that I was soon to be married and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome, and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said ''I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it, just come up and get me.'' I was stunned, and I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight for the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, ''We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family !'' The moral of this story is;-..................... ''Always keep your condoms in your car''
Roy Keane on the time he thought about signing Robbie Savage. “I rang Mark Hughes. Robbie [Savage] wasn’t in the Blackburn team and I asked Mark if we could try to arrange a deal. Sparky said: ‘Yeah, yeah, he’s lost his way here but he could still do a job for you.’ Robbie’s legs were going a bit but I thought he might come up to us [at Sunderland], with his long hair, and give us a lift – the way Yorkie [Dwight Yorke] had, a big personality in the dressing room. Sparky gave me permission to give him a call. So I got Robbie’s mobile number and rang him. It went to his voicemail: ‘Hi, it’s Robbie – whazzzzup!’ like the Budweiser ad. I never called him back. I thought: ‘I can’t be ****ing signing that.’”
I was sat on a bus coming home when a lovely young mother sat next to me and started breast feeding her baby. At first the baby wouldn't take it so she says ''Come on, eat it up or i'll give it all to this nice man' 10 minutes later and baby's still not having it so again she says 'Eat it all up or this man's having it' I then said 'Listen love, can you please make your mind up, i should've got off 4 stops ago'
