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Off Topic Mental Health Discussion Thread

Discussion in 'Hull City' started by Steven Toast, Oct 21, 2018.

  1. DJBlackandamberarmy(No4)

    DJBlackandamberarmy(No4) Well-Known Member

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    I genuinely don't know if I do have problems , but in the spirit of sharing I'll see what people think . I mentioned it briefly on the othe thread , but I always seem to be in a constant worry - I lie awake worrying about anything and everything . I am in constant fear of loved ones dying , everyday I think about it , whenever it is one of my parents birthday and everybody else is celebrating , I instead start thinking how they are 1 year closer to dying . I am convinced I am going to get some sort of cancer - I know it is good to check yourself for lumps ,but I check 3 or 4 times a day , almost obsessively . I've been driving for 18 years and touchwood never had an accident , yet every time I set off on a journey I am convinced something will happen . Every time I brake , I brace myself for the car behind me to smash Into me. I'm 30 years away from retirement and I'm already stressed how I am going to manage financially on an almost daily basis , and just loads and loads of things like this ....There was a recent video to spread awareness of mental stress and 6 major signs , and I seemed to fit into 5 of them , I just see myself as a worrier , but in a weird sort of irony , that video made me worry even more!
     
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  2. Trau Morgus

    Trau Morgus Well-Known Member

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    There are so many posts on here already I need to reply to, when time allows. This really is a great thread and it's breaking down any sort of stigma attached to the subject.

    Anyway quick reply to this...

    This all makes total sense, DJ.

    I think about exactly the same sort of things. The difference for me tho is that I don't worry about them, I'm just waiting for them to happen. I fully expect I'll get cancer and I accept that already. Also, I always think about loved ones dying. But even though I don't want those things to happen I accept them as part of life. To be honest, I'd rather worry about them a bit more as that would make me feel a bit more human really.

    The thing is I'm not scared of death or dying. I know we don't do religion but just to say, I'm an atheist and that kind of takes a lot of options out so I just kind of shrug my shoulders and think "obla di, obla da."

    I'm not trying to be flippant or anything. Just fascinating that I think, nay obsess, about the same things as you, but in a bit of a different way.

    This is the thing about mental health. It comes in all forms and shapes. Some people would hear the term 'mental health' and think of straight jackets and things. But it's really not like that.

    One way or another, most people have mental health issues. It's just how they affect your daily life that varies.

    Great post, btw DJ, like many already posted here. This is all good. And already I'm finding it easier to talk. This time last year I nearly ceased to exist. Slowly things are getting better.

    And as Quill said, not going to football for a long while has probably helped me too with our crazy club ha!
     
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  3. Kempton

    Kempton Well-Known Member

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    That does seem incredibly unlucky though.

    I don't even know anyone who knows anyone who was murdered.
     
    #23
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  4. Spanner82

    Spanner82 Well-Known Member

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    I was sat at home the other day seriously contemplating ending it all, because i felt I had nothing going for me, kinda still do, but dont think i could put my family through that pain.

    glad this thread is here,so I know i'm not the only one going through **** like this
     
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  5. Kempton

    Kempton Well-Known Member

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    You already know the answer, Spanner mate.

    You have family who need you. That's love right there.
     
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  6. BrisbaneTiger

    BrisbaneTiger Well-Known Member

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    Like some others i can totally empathise with you DJ. Reading what you put i could have been reading something i had cobbled together. I had a bit of a phase in life where everything seemed to go pear shaped. I lost my Grandad, my Mum, my Dad met a money grabbing bitch who then proceeded to turn him against his sons, i was in the middle of a fire at a place i worked where a girl tragically died. I won’t list any more as it does go on quite a bit, all in a similar vein.

    My wife then found we were going to be parents, but instead of being ecstatic about it, i was actually terrified i would not be a good dad ( i only recently admitted this to my wife). A few years later we had our second son who also joined the chaos by going through the medical journal on things he could possibly have wrong with him, culminating in seizures when he was starting school, and guess what, the Arsehole headmistress wanted him to either leave the school as he was such a burden, or every time he had a seizure at school we would have to drop everything and come and get him to take him home so he could sleep it off, and then return to school when he woke up. And god forbid if he then had another we would have to go and get him once more. Anyway, that didnt turn out as the cow wanted, as new laws regarding teaching of every child had just been passed in parliament and i had some top notch advice on how to pursue it.

    This is around the time my anxiety really came to the fore big time. I became terrified of death and space (Not sure why space....) But every time death or space was mentioned i would start to i really get into a state, even just reading about it would trigger an attack, but i also tried to keep all of these attacks to myself which probably didnt help, as most people didn’t know what i was putting myself through. One of the main way anxiety manifests for me is lack of sleep and an increasing inability to get to or maintain sleep. I would often go to work for days in a row not having slept.

    Anyway i have done my normal trick, and gone right off on a tangent when i was only going to say to DJ and others how i could empathise with them.

    This might now be lost in the long drawn out epic i have just written but what do others do to manage their problems?
    I try to occupy myself with a project or similar which helps as long as i throw myself right into it. This year i was fortunate enough to get made redundant, which would allow me to have a few months off. I had a few plans on what i wanted to do so i started to build a deck and pergola in the garden. Obviously my project is still ongoing and i think i have decimated a few rainforests to build it all, but i have enjoyed doing it. The few months off finished a while ago, but my interest in the project is still there as i have loads still to do. I have also built raised beds to start growing all sorts of stuff, and have really just done the last of the planting this weekend. I still have lawn to lay. Anyway thats something i have done to manage anxiety by distraction. I also strive to take the dogs to the beach most weekends with the wife, normally followed by stopping off at a cafe on the way home. Another distraction is to give us something to look forward to, which this year is a holiday to the US (January actually).

    What strategies do others have for managing their problems?

    Sorry for rabbitting on, i always seem to when mental health is mentioned.
     
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  7. askewshair

    askewshair Well-Known Member

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    Bugger,
    I wrote a lengthy reply to this but managed to delete it!
     
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    Last edited: Oct 23, 2018
  8. GLP

    GLP Well-Known Member

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    The attitude of the School towards your Son is disgraceful. Hope he’s ok and everything else is on the up.
     
    #28
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  9. BrisbaneTiger

    BrisbaneTiger Well-Known Member

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    Yes he is thanks, he actually grew out of it and occurred 5 years or so before we emigrated at an allegedly good school in Willerby. He has now turned 20 and studying to be a nurse, which I’m very proud of him for doing, although I’m just as proud of my other son.
     
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  10. Qatartiger Cambridgetiger

    Qatartiger Cambridgetiger Well-Known Member

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    To me mate you just did the best thing by opening up to like minded buggers on here. Good on ya fella. Talking was my first coping mechanism for sure. No one was aware I had problems. Until one day I exploded and told my daughter. I don't know why I chose that time to do it but all I knew if I hadn't I doubt I would have been here now.

    Cheers fella onwards and upwards.
     
    #30

  11. GLP

    GLP Well-Known Member

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    Brilliant :emoticon-0148-yes:

    My lad had a couple of febrile convulsions when he was less than 1. It scared the life out of me. He’s 8 now and like your Son seems to have grown out of it.
     
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  12. brownbagtiger

    brownbagtiger Well-Known Member

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    Excellent idea for a thread - if it helps to share my experience here goes...

    I've always been "a worrier" - my mum is too so probably a mix of genetics and upbringing. Just recently I've realised it's probably clinical anxiety and I learned some bad habits when I was little which no-one spotted and didn't help. If I was worried about something and whatever it was never happened, in my head it was because I worried about it. So to my young mind, I stopped the bad thing happening by worrying. I possibly got it mixed up in my head with prayer (I went to a CofE primary school). But I've done it ever since.

    In some ways the worry/anxiety feels comforting because one one level it feels like I'm warding off the bad things, and most of the time it doesn't really impact my ability to function, just make me a bit tense and not pleasant to be around. But this year has been a tough one for various reasons and it got so bad that at one point I was having panic attacks - basically so overwhelmed at work that I almost lost the ability to read. GP signed me off for a couple of weeks, I tried some self-help (eating and drinking a bit better, do some exercise & fresh air) and some counselling. Wish I could say the counselling worked - it was good to talk but I wanted something more akin to CBT to help me break my worrying cycle. Maybe now things are a bit better I could look that up again.
     
    #32
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  13. over18and legal

    over18and legal Well-Known Member

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    Good lad
     
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  14. BrisbaneTiger

    BrisbaneTiger Well-Known Member

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    I think my experiences of counselling are very similar to yours. I went to a counselling group with others with similar problems, but I’m not sure I got too much from it apart from maybe a bit more knowledge on anxiety. I’m not sure anything really improved as a result of going and I would say it’s only recently do I feel that I’m managing it better, which is probably why I asked how others manage their problems, not just for my benefit, but for others with a similar mindset.
     
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  15. brownbagtiger

    brownbagtiger Well-Known Member

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    What works for me:
    • Cutting out caffeine. Decaf coffee/tea only, no fizzy pop. If I accidentally drink a cup of the real stuff now it's like someone set off a bomb in my head and it runs at 100mph for 6 hours.
    • Exercise - I'm not sporty or anything, but walking outside for half an hour or so at a decent pace helps clear my mind.
    • A mental exercise I picked up somewhere years ago for when it gets really bad - it's helps my mind "get a grip" and stop spiralling away with intrusive and unwelcome thoughts: Sit, shut my eyes and concentrate on each of the senses for 30 seconds: What can I hear? What can I smell? What do I feel/can I touch? Then open my eyes - what can I see? Useful because I can do it in public/at work etc and no-one need know.
    • Crafts/hobbies - think nerdy things like stamp collecting or building model planes. Something that requires full attention but isn't actually demanding on my thinking abilities. Similar idea but a smaller scale than decking the whole garden!
    The more I read about it, I think the latter two fall under "mindfulness" which seems to be in vogue at the moment as a technique to deal with this kind of thing.
     
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  16. HullCityAFC1904

    HullCityAFC1904 Well-Known Member

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    I got help myself about ten years ago, I urge anybody with dark thoughts or who is plain struggling every day to see their GP, or another GP if they think the one they have is not helping. If there is an underlying condition that you have it may be you need medication and a diagnosis to explain to people what is wrong and to go forward with life without being put into situations that you cannot deal with. Good luck and best wishes to everybody here with previous or current problems, please do not give up and go seek help if you haven't already, or different help even.
     
    #36
  17. Leon T Trout AFC

    Leon T Trout AFC Well-Known Member

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    Great thread this and kudos to everyone involved. I can definitely empathise and identify with loads of what people have said.

    I can only think that in the system we exist in nowadays, we aren’t mentally designed for this ****.

    The pressure, the fast pace, the fear. How often do we actually take time to appreciate the important things?

    I think people coming together (as in this thread), in what can feel like an isolated world, is part of the solution.
     
    #37
  18. askewshair

    askewshair Well-Known Member

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    I read this this morning, really resonates with me.
    Two yeArs ago, when I was struggling, I hadn't worked this out.


    Can’t sleep? Perhaps you’re overtired - the guardian
    https://apple.news/AzVHGGqhbOdaUIWVPPc0qJg

    I've forgotten how to relax. i work my breaks, I try to multi task. At home, if I Watch tv it's in the background with my laptop on my knee ( not work but still trying to multi task). Even watching sport on tv's the same, I get bored with the lulls, so am doing something I else at the same time on my laptop.
    Like you Brisbane, I have to have a project to become engrossed in. I spend hours in my garden, but rarely sit and appreciate it!

    That article has hit home for me far more than anything else about my insomnia. I'm overtired and need to learn to actually just switch off.
     
    #38
    Last edited: Oct 23, 2018
  19. Chazz Rheinhold

    Chazz Rheinhold Well-Known Member

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    As micky Flanagan says, do proper **** all. Not on your phone or laptop, proper **** all.

    Been doing a lot of that just lately.

    Anxiety and depression are part of us all. Cavemen we're anxious about not getting enough food etc

    Good good mates are a big part of getting out of a hole.
     
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  20. FILEYseadog

    FILEYseadog Well-Known Member

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    Strange really..
    I am really lucky

    Because the only things I worry about was not getting to city's games though now it's Scarborough's games I worry about missing

    I know it won't help anyone but one thing I know is worrying can cause all sorts of problems

    I wish I could help people to not worry.
     
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