Off Topic Heres a joke for you all

Not in the best of tastes Woopert.....and not particularly funny.

This on the other hand made me laugh...

A company has just launched a range of glass coffins to replace the traditional wooden ones.

When the owner was asked if he thought they would catch on he replied "remains to be seen".....

 

Her Majesty’s Royal Australian Navy is proud to announce its new fleet of Type 45 destroyers:

Having initially named the first two ships HMAS Daring and HMAS Dauntless,
the Naming Committee has, after intensive pressure from the United Nations renamed them HMAS Cautious and HMAS Prudence.
The next five ships are to be HMAS Empathy, HMAS Circumspect, HMAS Nervous, HMAS Timorous and HMAS Apologist.
Costing 180 million $ each, they comply with the very latest employment, equality, health and safety and human rights laws.The Navy fully expects any future enemy to be jolly decent and to comply with the same high standards of behaviour.
The new user-friendly crow's nest has excellent wheelchair access. Live ammunition has been replaced with paint balls to reduce the risk of anyone getting hurt and to cut down on the number of compensation claims. Stress counsellors and lawyers will be on board, as will a full sympathetic industrial tribunal.
The crew will be 50/50 men and women, and will contain the correct balance of race, gender,sexuality and disability.
Sailors will only work a maximum of 36 hours per week as per Union Rules on Working Hours, even in wartime.
All the vessels are equipped with a maternity ward, a creche and a gay disco.Tobacco will be banned throughout the ship, but recreational cannabis and cocaine will be allowed in wardrooms and messes. The Royal Australian Navy is eager to shed its traditional reputation for "Rum, sodomy and the lash" so the rum ration has gone, replaced by sparkling water.
Sodomy remains, now extended to include all ratings under 18. The lash will still be available on request.
Saluting of officers is now considered elitist and has been replaced by "Hello Sailor".
All information on notice boards will be in 37 different languages and Braille. Crew members will now no longer have to ask permission to grow beards and/or moustaches. This applies equally to female crew.
The Ministry of Defense is inviting suggestions for a "non-specific" flag because the White Ensign may offend minority's and the Union Jack must never be seen.
The newly re-named HMAS Cautious will be commissioned shortly by Captain Mustafa Hook from the North shore Mosque who will break a petrol bomb over the hull. She will then slide gently into the sea as the Navy Band plays the Village People's "In the Navy".
Her first deployment will be to escort boatloads of illegal immigrants to ports on Australia's Eastern coast.
The Prime Minister said, "Our ships reflect the very latest in modern thinking and they will always be able to comply with any new legislation from the United Nations.

 

Bad news for dyslexics, on the 28th October your cocks go black.