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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    PADDY'S LAST WILL!

    Paddy was on his deathbed and knew the end was near.
    His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons are with him at his home in Belfast.
    He asks for 2 independent witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes.
    When all is ready he begins to speak:

    "My son Seamus, I want you to take the houses in Cultra."

    "My daughter Geraldine, you take the apartments over in Malone Road."

    "My son Patrick Junior, I want you to take the offices in the City centre."

    "Bridget, my dear wife, please take all the residential properties on the Upper Lisburn Road ."

    The nurse and witnesses are blown away. They did not realize the extent of Paddy's wealth. As he slips away, the nurse says to his wife, " Mrs O'Shaughnessy, my deepest condolences. Your husband must have been such a hard-working and wonderful man to have accumulated all this property"..

    "Property?”, his wife replies. “The f*cker had a window cleaning round."
     
    #4621
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 25, 2018
    Gordon Armstrong, San Diego and kiwiqpr like this.
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #4622
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 25, 2018
    San Diego, Didley Squat and kiwiqpr like this.
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    Wife's dumping me cos of my obsession for rugby, I'm gutted, can't believe it, I begged her for one last try......
     
    #4623
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 25, 2018
    Gordon Armstrong, San Diego, Didley Squat and 1 other person like this.
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #4624
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 25, 2018
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #4625
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 25, 2018
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  6. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #4626
    kiwiqpr, Sep 25, 2018
    Wooperts_duck, San Diego and Didley Squat like this.

  7. Didley Squat

    Didley Squat Well-Known Member

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    Moderators, can we put this in the Bumper Dumper thread!
     
    #4627
    Didley Squat, Sep 25, 2018
    Wooperts_duck, San Diego and kiwiqpr like this.
  8. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Minxy the mod don't hang round here no more
     
    #4628
    kiwiqpr, Sep 25, 2018
    Wooperts_duck and San Diego like this.
  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #4629
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 25, 2018
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #4630
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 25, 2018
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    A lorry carrying Vicks nasal spray has crashed on the M1.

    Police say there will be no congestion for 8 hours
     
    #4631
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 25, 2018
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    I ordered a military bugle on ebay.

    It came in the last post......
     
    #4632
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 25, 2018
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #4633
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 25, 2018
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    If you ever feel your job is really pointless.

    Just remember: there is some bloke in Germany putting indicators on BMW cars...
     
    #4634
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 25, 2018
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #4635
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 25, 2018
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #4636
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 25, 2018
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #4637
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 25, 2018
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    Breaking news: It has been revealed that the real father of Beyoncé is in fact 70’s & 80’s entertainer Roy Castle.

    While she has accepted the findings, she’s refusing to take his surname......
     
    #4638
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 25, 2018
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #4639
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 25, 2018
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    Putin on the Ritz........

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    #4640
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 25, 2018
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