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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4601
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 21, 2018
    Gordon Armstrong, mustyfrog, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I saw a dwarf using a rope to get over the prison wall yesterday.

    I thought 'that's a little condescending.'
     
    #4602
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 21, 2018
    Gordon Armstrong, Didley Squat, mustyfrog and 2 others like this.
  3. mustyfrog

    mustyfrog Well-Known Member

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    Q: What's the difference between the first honeymoon and the second?
    A: First honeymoon, Niagara. Second honeymoon, Viagra.
     
    #4603
    mustyfrog, Sep 21, 2018
    Didley Squat, Wooperts_duck, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  4. mustyfrog

    mustyfrog Well-Known Member

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    A redneck calls up the White House and tells the receptionist: "I'd like to become the next President of the United States."
    The receptionist: "What are you, an idiot?"
    Redneck: "Why, is it required?"
     
    #4604
    mustyfrog, Sep 21, 2018
    Didley Squat, Wooperts_duck, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  5. mustyfrog

    mustyfrog Well-Known Member

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    A businessman was confused about a bill he had received, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help.
    "If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" he asked her.
    The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings."
     
    #4605
    mustyfrog, Sep 22, 2018
    Gordon Armstrong, Didley Squat, Wooperts_duck and 2 others like this.
  6. mustyfrog

    mustyfrog Well-Known Member

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    I lost my watch at a party once. An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was sexually harassing some woman at that party. I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch.
     
    #4606
    mustyfrog, Sep 22, 2018
    Gordon Armstrong, Didley Squat, Wooperts_duck and 2 others like this.
  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4607
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 22, 2018
    Gordon Armstrong, Didley Squat, kiwiqpr and 2 others like this.
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4608
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 23, 2018
    Didley Squat, kiwiqpr and San Diego like this.
  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4609
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 23, 2018
    Gordon Armstrong, Didley Squat, kiwiqpr and 2 others like this.
  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4610
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 23, 2018
    Gordon Armstrong, Didley Squat, kiwiqpr and 1 other person like this.

  11. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #4611
    kiwiqpr, Sep 23, 2018
    Gordon Armstrong, San Diego, Didley Squat and 1 other person like this.
  12. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #4612
    kiwiqpr, Sep 23, 2018
    Gordon Armstrong, San Diego, Didley Squat and 1 other person like this.
  13. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #4613
    kiwiqpr, Sep 23, 2018
    Gordon Armstrong, San Diego, Didley Squat and 1 other person like this.
  14. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #4614
    kiwiqpr, Sep 23, 2018
    Gordon Armstrong, San Diego, Didley Squat and 1 other person like this.
  15. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #4615
    kiwiqpr, Sep 23, 2018
    San Diego, Didley Squat and Wooperts_duck like this.
  16. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    I've been having a problem with nuisance phone calls...
    The most common one seems to be, "You said you'd be home from the pub three hours ago!"
     
    #4616
    kiwiqpr, Sep 23, 2018
    San Diego, Didley Squat and Wooperts_duck like this.
  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4617
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 24, 2018
    San Diego and Didley Squat like this.
  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A lady is very upset because her pet Chihuahua has only been placed second in Best Of Breed at Crufts so she decides to speak to the Judge and get some advice on how to win.
    The Judge tells her that her dog only came second because it had hair growing on its chin.
    He advised her to apply Immac Hair Remover Cream for 2 weeks just before next years competition to ensure 1st place.
    So 2 weeks before following years Cruft Show off she goes to the local pharmacy and asks for a tub of Immac Hair Remover.
    The assistant asks if she has used it before to which she says she hasn't.
    Assistant tells her not to wear a tight blouse after application to allow the cream time to work on armpit hair.
    Lady replies indignantly that the Cream is not for her arm pits but for her Chihuahua.
    The assistant replies "in that case madam don't ride your bike for a couple of days."
     
    #4618
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 24, 2018
    San Diego likes this.
  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Now the transfer window has shut, Liverpool fans are disappointed that they didn’t get Bale.

    They are going back to Court next week to try again.....
     
    #4619
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 24, 2018
    San Diego likes this.
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4620
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 24, 2018
    San Diego likes this.
Page 231 of 835
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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