I brought a satnav today with Bono's voice on it, it was rubbish! The streets have no name and I still haven't found what I'm looking for.
A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital, just before his operation. A nurse stopped him and asked,"What"s the matter?" He said,"I heard the nurse say, "It"s a very simple operation, don"t worry, I"m sure it will be all right." "She was just trying to comfort you, what"s so frightening about that?" "She was talking to the doctor!"
Apparently origami is due to debut at the 2020 Olympics. Unfortunately it will only be available to watch on paper view
Two Irishman are making letter bombs. Paddy says "Mick do you think I have put enough explosive in this envelope" Mick says " Don"t know, open it and see" "But it"ll explode" says Paddy "Don"t Be Stupid" Mick says "It"s not addressed to you!!"
A general store owner hires a young female assistant with a penchant for very short skirts. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the assistant, and glances at the loaves of bread behind the counter. "I'd like some raisin bread, please," the man says politely. The assistant nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, located on the very top shelf. The man, standing almost directly beneath her, is provided with an excellent view. As the assistant retrieves the bread, a small group of male customers gather around the young man, looking in the same direction. Pretty soon each person is asking for raisin bread, just to see the assistant climb up and down. After a few trips the assistant is tired and irritated. She stops and fumes at the top of the ladder, glaring at the men standing below. She notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd. "Is yours raisin too?" the assistant yells testily. "No," croaks the feeble old man.... "But it's startin' to twitch!
How come when Supermodels walk down the aisle in their underwear it's called "Art" and "Fashion". Yet when I do it,I'm "Drunk" and "Not allowed back into Tesco"
