An old man is checking in at a Las Vegas hotel and when reaching for his wallet to pay he elbows the woman standing behind him right in the tit. He turns and immediately apologises to her saying "My dear, if your heart is as soft as your breast I know you will forgive me" The lady then says "well if your cock is as hard as your elbow I'm in room 502"
While enjoying their evening cocktails, the wife asks her husband in a very seductive voice, "Have you ever seen Twenty dollars all crumpled up?" "No," said her husband. She gave him a sexy smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her blouse, slowly reached down into her ample cleavage, and pulled out a crumpled Twenty dollar bill. He took the crumpled bill from her and smiled approvingly.. Then she asked him, "Have you ever seen Fifty dollars all crumpled up?" "Uh...no, I haven't." he said, with an anxious tone in his voice. She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt, and seductively reached into her tight, sheer panties...and pulled out a crumpled Fifty dollar bill. He took the crumpled Fifty dollar bill and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation. "Now," she said, "have you ever seen $50,000 dollars all crumpled up?" He said, "No!," trying to hide his anticipation. She said, "Check the garage."
I went to the doctors with a hearing problem. He said “Can you describe the symptoms?” I said “Homer’s a fat bloke and Marge has got blue hair.”
I heard the man who invented the TV remote passed away. They found him at home in between the couch cushions.
A friend of mine was unfairly sacked whilst working on the bumper cars at the local fair. He’s taking them to a tribunal for funfair dismissal......
I pulled a gypsy girl last night. She asked me if I'd like to go back to hers for some fun. She wasn't joking. 2 goes on the dodgems, waltzer and ghost train plus I went home with 3 goldfish.
