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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    I asked Cliff Richard about the BBC. He said, "It's so funny, we don't talk anymore."
     
    #4021
    kiwiqpr, Jul 19, 2018
    Didley Squat, San Diego, Wooperts_duck and 1 other person like this.
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4022
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 19, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, Gordon Armstrong and 1 other person like this.
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4023
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 19, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, Gordon Armstrong and 1 other person like this.
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4024
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 19, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, Gordon Armstrong and 1 other person like this.
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4025
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 19, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, Gordon Armstrong and 1 other person like this.
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4026
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 19, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, Gordon Armstrong and 1 other person like this.
  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4027
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 19, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, kiwiqpr and 1 other person like this.
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4028
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 20, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, kiwiqpr and 2 others like this.
  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4029
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 20, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, Didley Squat, kiwiqpr and 2 others like this.
  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    So there I was sat in my van. I had kept the house under surveillance for about an hour. Then there was movement at the front door. I hunched down as much as I could in the van so the woman wouldn’t see me. As she walked up the road and turned the corner I slowly, carefully exited the van. I crossed the road, nervously, aware that at any time someone could notice me or the woman from the house could come back. I launched myself over the garden wall and fell to the ground. My heart was beating in anticipation of someone shouting out to me. I crawled slowly to the door. Once there I looked around once more to check my surroundings. Then I lifted the letterbox slowly and quietly. Once my work was done, I slowly closed the letter box aware that any sound might disturb someone and make them come to the door. I then jumped up and ran for my life, jumped into the van and drove off at speed away from the scene. And another ‘Sorry you were out’ card is successfully delivered....... Proud to be Royal Mail.
     
    #4030
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 20, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, Gordon Armstrong, Didley Squat and 2 others like this.

  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4031
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 20, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, Gordon Armstrong, Didley Squat and 1 other person like this.
  12. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    jamies face is ****ing priceless
     
    #4032
    kiwiqpr, Jul 20, 2018
    Didley Squat, San Diego and Wooperts_duck like this.
  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4033
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 20, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, Gordon Armstrong, Didley Squat and 1 other person like this.
  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4034
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 20, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, Gordon Armstrong, Didley Squat and 1 other person like this.
  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4035
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 20, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, Gordon Armstrong, Didley Squat and 2 others like this.
  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4036
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 20, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, Gordon Armstrong, Didley Squat and 2 others like this.
  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #4037
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 20, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Gordon Armstrong and 2 others like this.
  18. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    that escalated quickly
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    #4038
    kiwiqpr, Jul 20, 2018
    San Diego, Didley Squat and Wooperts_duck like this.
  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Elvis Presley’s coffin was made of Redwood and took 2 weeks to make.

    Michael Jackson’s was made of Oak and took a week to make.

    Gene Pitney’s?...... 24 hours from Balsa...
     
    #4039
    Wooperts_duck, Jul 20, 2018
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Gordon Armstrong and 2 others like this.
  20. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Lying in a hospital bed, a dying man began to flail about and make motions as if he would like to speak. The priest, keeping watch at the side of his bed, leaned quietly over and asked, "Do you have something you would like to say?"
    The man nodded to the affirmative and the priest handed him a pad and pen.
    The priest said, "I know you can't speak, but write a note and I will give it to your wife. She's waiting just outside."
    Gathering his last bit of strength, the man scrawled his message on the pad and stuffed it into the priest's hands.
    Moments later, the man died.
    After administering the last rites, the priest left to break the sad news to the wife. After consoling her a bit, the priest handed her the note.
    "Here are your husband's last words. He wrote them just for you."
    The wife tearfully opened the note which read: "Get off of my oxygen hose!!"
     
    #4040
    kiwiqpr, Jul 20, 2018
    San Diego and Didley Squat like this.
Page 202 of 835
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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