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Off Topic Heres a joke for you all

Discussion in 'Queens Park Rangers' started by kiwiqpr, Feb 23, 2012.

  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    • I worked as a stand up comedian in a old peoples home once........

    • None of them understood my jokes but they still pissed themselves
     
    #3821
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    • A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.
    • The little boy asked why he wore his collar that way.
    • The man, who was a priest, said, "I am a Father."
    • The little boy replied, "My Daddy doesn"t wear his collar like that."
    • The priest looked up from his book and answered "I am the Father of many."
    • The boy said, "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn"t wear his collar that way."
    • The priest, getting impatient, said, "I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to reading his book.
    • The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said,
    • "Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar."
     
    #3822
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3823
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My wife spent an hour and a half getting ready to go out last night. Finally the bathroom door opened and she said,

    "Do l look fat in this?" I said, "Yes, but to be fair it is a small bathroom."
     
    #3824
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Should the person who introduced thick gravy have a knighthood bistoed on them ?
     
    #3825
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    • I took this girl out for a meal last night, she had frog's legs and chicken breasts...

    • but she had a f*cking lovely personality, bless her!!
     
    #3826
    Makemstine Roger and kiwiqpr like this.
  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3827
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3828
  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3829
  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3830

  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    We've got an aviary at home, but one of our birds of prey will only exercise at night to 80's music.

    Our Kestrel Manoeuvres In The Dark.
     
    #3831
  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Scare some people at your local Theme Park by bringing some nuts and bolts with you and then showing them to the person next to you on the roller coaster when the ride has just began.
     
    #3832
  13. Uber_Hoop

    Uber_Hoop Well-Known Member

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    Does anybody think it’s time for another Who’s A ****? thread...?
     
    #3833
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3834
  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I'd reply Uber, if I knew what **** refers to :emoticon-0148-yes:
     
    #3835
  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years.
    Dogs run and they live for 15 years.
    Turtles don't do anything and they live for 150 years.

    LESSON LEARNED!
     
    #3836
  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A Liverpool fan walks past a shop and sees the video "Liverpool - The Glory Years".
    He goes into the shop and asks how much. "£100" says the shopkeeper.
    "That's a bit steep, how come it's so dear ??"
    "Well its a tenner for the video and £90 for the Betamax recorder!!
     
    #3837
  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Liverpool Airport
     
    #3838
  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3839
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #3840

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