Valentines Day

... but in danger of being single by midnight by the look of things

 

Think positive Matth...

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Matthew - I'm going to help you get a girl - here are a few suggestions for you to try out, conversation wise, on the fairer sex tonight.

"I like football but it's not THAT important to me, I prefer travel and expanding my mind with a good book. I particularly like travel writers like Bill Bryson, do you?"

"I used to support Chelsea but I'm Welsh, so I now support Manchester United, although football isn't THAT important to me"

"I just love any programme narrated by David Attenborough - his voice is like velvet chocolate. He is my inspiration. Him, Nelson Mandela and Joey from Friends"

"I'm thinking of doing some voluntary work - for Oxfam"

Let me know how it goes

 

She cares even less of a **** about it than I do.

The two of us are mere cogs in the facilitation of a smooth and perfect life for our offspring. We're not relevant in other words.

 

Thats deep...

 

You've never had a shag either have you mate?

 

Never had any difficulty getting my leg over ... damn near cost me one of them .. an arm too

Women continue to be the bane of my life ... got 3 daughters ... 25, 18 and soon to be 13 ... I live in the house of hormones ... I work late.

 

Not really.

Anyone with kids will tell you it's all about them.

Well, it should be anyway.

 

I get that.

 

Erm, yeah.... It's all about the kids guys.... Sure is..

 

If you have daughters like I do, there is a moment when the eldest gets to secondary school when your life changes irretrievably ... it starts when she declares she is now part of a 'friendship group' ... from that point, until she goes to university, you become a social taxi service and walking ATM with the dawning realisation (in my case) that there are two more daughters that will embark on the very same journey in due course ... your own social life has now all but ended ...

 

A Poem .

Times are hard ,

I've got no cash ,

So give me a snog ,

And show me your Gash

 

Love the Listen to Him section

 

Another poem

If I whispered sweet nothings in French or Italian
Wooed you with poems in Latin or Sanskrit
Would you smile at me lovingly, but far more importantly
Would you drop your smellies and show me your split?

 

I'm lost for words.

 

Only works in certain areas of Leicester ... be careful

 

My Mrs just called me

She said "Three of the girls in the office have just received flowers for Valentines Day, they are absolutely gorgeous"

I replied "That's probably why they've received flowers then"

 

Happy Valentines Day Lads xx

 

Hi minxy. have you ever met @Matth_2014 .

He's 27. Supports Man U. Bit of a divvy. But is a virgin.

Yes a 27 year old virgin looking for love

@Minxy
@Matth_2014


i should charge for this kind off service

 

Happy Valentines Day Minxy, fingers crossed you get a good portion tonight love