Utter lies. Or are they?

One of the below is actually true. Can you guess which?

I used to play the bassoon for Maroon 5

Michael Parkinson taught me how to drive a car

I own the manuscript to Mahler's unfinished symphony

I once beat George Bush Jnr in a game of Ludo

I played a major part in the meteoric rise of One Direction

Elton John paid for my therapy and subsequent recovery from heroin addiction

I survived a fall off Beachy Head by landing on a St Bernard dog

I was a pallbearer at John Wayne's funeral

I'll provide photographic evidence once the truth is revealed!

 

Evening Ponders. Or is that too obvious?

Anyway, I once stood behind Sting in a chip shop in Hampstead.

 

Yes.

 

Well if he couldn't be arsed to finish it, it can't be worth a lot.

 

I'm sure there are plenty of drivers named Michael Parkinson that could teach you to drive and unless you are John Wayne's son you certainly were not his pall bearer. As for beachy head i suppose you could be the St Bernard dog!

I very much doubt you've got half million quid to waste on some manuscript or very foolish not to sell it and spend your life on GC.

As for the bassoon and heroin addiction, only if you are Toby's sock account.

So what does that leave now....oh yeah one direction or the...

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I would not normally give this **** a reply but I was at Marion's funeral. (stunt double) so I know non of you flickers on here (maybe Ron) know who Rooster was...
Sad sad days...this is why society is wrong

Bet you never heard of Casey Jones let alone Champion the wonder horse

 

Not sure who this Ponders chap is, but I like the Sting story. Did he order a pickled egg, perchance?

 

A Mahler manuscript would cost millions. I have millions to spend. Or do you think rich people shouldn't spend time posting on a forum?

 

of course you have millions to spend, and i'm Martin Luther King.

Well i guess we can cross manuscript off the list, he don't even know the value of it

 

Listen, Martin, I'm an extremely wealthy person, yet you seem to think it odd that I spend some of my spare time frequenting an internet forum. For your information, Tom Hanks spends a great deal of time on Cowdenbeath F.C's forum, BlueBrazil.net.

 

What's your problem, twizzle?

 

Aldo's sock account ^^^

 

Gherkin I think. And a sausage in batter.

 

No chips? What an odd character that Sting fellow is.

Do you have any other celebrity stories?

I once spotted Tony Slattery in the Clacton branch of Woolworths; he bought a stationery set, and a pencil case to put it in.

 

Chapocoense? Hahaha lol

 

I saw Perry Fenwick (who plays Billy Mitchell in Eastenders) in a pub in Muswell Hill once. My mate asked him if he could get us work as extras on Eastenders so we could get paid to sit on bar stools in the Queen Vic, instead of doing it for nothing in our local. He declined to help, and did not seem that amused. Bit up himself, to tell the truth.