Match Day Thread England vs Subpoena

5 mins

So... apologies, I got the Slovenia formation all wrong. Even the crazy Slovenia 6 is next to the goal-line.

 

Highlight of the game update: Slovenia are playing in grass coloured kits. Cunning. "I'm just going to pass through this completely empty area of turf..."
"Ah-ha! I tricked you! I am no grass, I am a man, a man of cunning and reknown... annnndddd it's gone "

 

8 mins
Slovenia should have a penalty, Hart wiping out Slovenia 6... but no. The ref says "we only play pens when it gets to 69 mins, everyone is asleep and England need a goal..."

 

12 mins
Glen Hoddle says it was the way Slovenia number 6 fell over that saved England getting a pen. He still ****ing hates the disabled.

 

We are ****. Sterling is ****, keeps giving the ball away.

 

15 mins
Such is the creativeness of their inherent creativity, they kick it long to Rashford and he butts it out of play. Skillz.

 

Highlight of the game update 3: Harry Kane Inception. He is also playing in goal for Slovenia. Bit of a conflict of interest.


I'm not watching this in HD, FYI.

 

19 mins

Great cross from Slovenia 4. Slovenia 7 jumps like a famous Slovenian jumping bird (no googling). It is blue, with orange ears, and a hell of a mighty pink cock. He misses it mostly. But magnificient.

 

21 mins:

Soooooo close for England. Firstly Sterling shoots just below row Z, result! That's what I call progress, before Kane eyes up Kane with a free kick from 30 yards. Such would be the heartache of defeating himself, he blasts it into the wall. Like the ending of Point Break. Beautiful.

 

24 mins

Rashford nutmegs Slovenia 2... then runs into him and meets a giant unexpected grassy wall. The ref calls a foul against grass.

 

25 mins
Henderson shoots from wide. Don't worry, keeper saves easily. No inner conflict to see here.

 

28 mins

Commentator (as Slovenia 6 is literally butt-humped to the floor by Cahill) "that's the problem with Slovenia 6, and the reason he didn't get a penalty, he goes down to easily"

 

30 mins

2-0
In terms of nutmeg. Rashford on the nutmeg sheet again #prolific

 

If ever a game needed a goal...

 

Needs a goal........

 

Jpf’s commentary is better than those mugs on telly.

 

And then the panic to try to ensure all the mess is cleaned up.

 

34 mins

For a laugh they let Kyle Walker take a free-kick. Joe Hart has claimed the next one

 

Scotland are playing Slovakia and the Slovaks have a player called Mak

And he's been sent off

 

37 mins

Yessssssssssssss!!!!!! No, of course not a goal. The Slovenian fan pre-game lottery winner has just crunched Henderson. "You go down like your former team" he spits in his language. I've never heard of a Slovenian language so I'm going to say they speak something perverted, like French.