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**** jokes thread

Discussion in 'The Premier League' started by PINKIE, Sep 21, 2017.

Page 16 of 41
  1. Commachio

    Commachio Rambo 2021

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    Why dont you see hippos in trees?



    Cause they are really good at hiding.
     
    #301
    Commachio, Sep 23, 2017
    Spurlock, remembercolinlee, AKCJ and 1 other person like this.
  2. Libby

    Libby Derby County, we're coming for you

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    "Doctor, the invisible man has arrived and says he has an appointment with you"

    "Tell him I can't see him"
     
    #302
    Libby, Sep 23, 2017
    Blueman and Spurlock like this.
  3. FosseFilberto

    FosseFilberto Pizzeria Superiore and some ... Forum Moderator

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    Nope ... it's because elephants with red painted testicles are already there.
     
    #303
    FosseFilberto, Sep 23, 2017
    commachio likes this.
  4. thefanwithnoname

    thefanwithnoname Well-Known Member

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    Froggy style sex

    Like doggy but you aim an inch higher and watch how far she leaps
     
    #304
    thefanwithnoname, Sep 23, 2017
    Libby and commachio like this.
  5. Commachio

    Commachio Rambo 2021

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    :emoticon-0116-evilg.
     
    #305
    Commachio, Sep 23, 2017
  6. Libby

    Libby Derby County, we're coming for you

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    Is Google male or female?

    Definitely female as it never let's you finish a sentence without piping up with a suggestion.
     
    #306
    Libby, Sep 23, 2017
    BobbyD, Spurlock and commachio like this.

  7. FosseFilberto

    FosseFilberto Pizzeria Superiore and some ... Forum Moderator

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    My mate got pulled over for speeding yesterday and the copper asked him to take a breathyliser... "sorry constable can't do that" said my mate handing over a card that said:

    "Registered asthmatic, should avoid polymers"

    "Then I'll have to ask you to take a blood test sir".

    "Sorry can't do that officer" said my mate handing over a card that said:

    " Registered Heamophyliac, should avoid injections"

    "OK then sir, a urine test it is then"

    "Sorry can't do that officer" said my mate handing over a card that said"

    "Liverpool FC Supporters Club Membership - Please Don't Take The Piss!"
     
    #307
    FosseFilberto, Sep 23, 2017
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  8. Commachio

    Commachio Rambo 2021

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    There is nothing like the joy on a kids face at xmas, seeing the playstation box containing the sock i got him.
     
    #308
    Commachio, Sep 23, 2017
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  9. The Ginger Marks

    The Ginger Marks Ma Mo

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    :emoticon-0110-tongu
     
    #309
    The Ginger Marks, Sep 23, 2017
  10. thefanwithnoname

    thefanwithnoname Well-Known Member

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    Man takes his wife for a trip to the holyland.
    Whilst in Jerusalem the wife dies. Not sure what to do the bloke asks at tourist information what he can do.

    "Well sir you can pay £3000 to take the deceased home to be buried or we can bury her free here in Jerusalem"

    The husband replies

    "Think I will pay the £3k and take her back home, last time you lot buried someone here he was alive again in 3 days and I ain't taking the risk"
     
    #310
    thefanwithnoname, Sep 23, 2017
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  11. Skylarker

    Skylarker PL High Commissioner

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    I don't do **** holiday tattoos. I'm always in control <whistle>
     
    #311
    Skylarker, Sep 23, 2017
  12. Commachio

    Commachio Rambo 2021

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    I saw my dad chopping up onions today. I cried.

    Onions was a good dog.
     
    #312
    Commachio, Sep 23, 2017
    Burly Hurley, Blueman and thefanwithnoname like this.
  13. The Ginger Marks

    The Ginger Marks Ma Mo

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    please log in to view this image
     
    #313
    The Ginger Marks, Sep 23, 2017
    Spurlock, thefanwithnoname and Skylarker like this.
  14. Blueman

    Blueman Well-Known Member

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    Old MacDonald was dyslexic, PRTSQ.
     
    #314
    Blueman, Sep 23, 2017
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  15. PINKIE

    PINKIE Wurzel Gummidge

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    <laugh>
     
    #315
    PINKIE, Sep 23, 2017
  16. PINKIE

    PINKIE Wurzel Gummidge

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    What's the difference between a circus and the Spurs board ?

    One is an array of cunning stunts..
     
    #316
    PINKIE, Sep 23, 2017
    thefanwithnoname, Blueman and The Ginger Marks like this.
  17. remembercolinlee

    remembercolinlee Well-Known Member

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    How do you save gooner who's drowning?
    Take your foot off his head.
     
    #317
    remembercolinlee, Sep 23, 2017
    PINKIE, thefanwithnoname, Blueman and 1 other person like this.
  18. remembercolinlee

    remembercolinlee Well-Known Member

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    What's the difference between a gooner and a bucket of puke?
    The bucket
     
    #318
    remembercolinlee, Sep 23, 2017
    BobbyD, thefanwithnoname and Spurlock like this.
  19. remembercolinlee

    remembercolinlee Well-Known Member

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    Why did the gooners put his iPad in the blender?
    He wanted to make Apple juice
     
    #319
    remembercolinlee, Sep 23, 2017
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  20. remembercolinlee

    remembercolinlee Well-Known Member

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    Why did the gooners tip roe past the medicine box?
    He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills.
     
    #320
    remembercolinlee, Sep 23, 2017
    thefanwithnoname and Blueman like this.
Page 16 of 41
: Comm uses forklift to trim nose hair

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