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Off Topic, Occupations that make women drop their knickers

Discussion in 'Newcastle United' started by simonbh7, Aug 19, 2011.

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  1. simonbh7

    simonbh7 Active Member

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    The Bournemouth airshow has started and a couple of the Red Arrows have just flown past my office.

    Got me thinking about how easy it must be to pull women when you are one of the Red Arrows. Their knickers must be off faster than a Mackem running away from a bar of soap.

    This reminded me of when I lived near London. Me and my mates used to go drinking in Kingston and we did the normal thing when chatting up the girls................lie about what we did for a living. Being close to both Heathrow and Gatwick we often claimed to be pilots.

    Anyway, one night we were joined by an old mate from school who we used to call Bungalow, for obvious reasons. He asked us why we were bullshitting about our jobs and I explained that for a laugh, just think of the most exciting and glamourous job and say that this was your occupation.

    Later that night he was chatting up an absolute stunner and when she asked him what he did for a living his reply was

    "You know Rolls Royce?"
    "Yes" she replied
    "Well, I make the dashboards!"

    This happened 25 years ago and it still makes me chuckle even now.
     
    #1
    simonbh7, Aug 19, 2011
  2. Agent Bruce

    Agent Bruce Well-Known Member

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    Did his honesty win fair maiden?
     
    #2
    Agent Bruce, Aug 19, 2011
  3. overseasTOON

    overseasTOON Active Member

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    Lived in Norfolk for a while and used to go to Yarmouth for drinks and used to pretend to be a deep sea divers as they earned a lot of cash.

    The bar we drank in was called Muff Divers.
     
    #3
    overseasTOON, Aug 19, 2011
  4. NufcBano

    NufcBano Active Member

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    Gynaecologist.
     
    #4
    NufcBano, Aug 19, 2011
  5. Toon_D

    Toon_D New Member

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    A friend of mine used to tell people he was a Penguin erector at the zoo... the story goes:

    "Yeah - theres a flight path that goes directly over the penguin enclosure. The Penguins are fascinated by the planes and watch them religously as they fly over and sometimes they tilt their heads so far back whilst watching they tip over on to their backs and cant get up again... so i need to go in and 'erect' the fallen penguins".

    The amazing thing is - some folk would believe him!
     
    #5
    Toon_D, Aug 19, 2011
  6. Alfie

    Alfie Active Member

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    I tell them I play for Sunderland, I'm not proud, I'll take a sympathy shag.
     
    #6
    Alfie, Aug 19, 2011
  7. simonbh7

    simonbh7 Active Member

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    Unfortunately not! <laugh>
     
    #7
    simonbh7, Aug 19, 2011
  8. Blacker-than-Knight

    Blacker-than-Knight Slainte

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    Working in the hotel industry, it's always the Firemen that get the girls drooling every time we get a visit.
     
    #8
    Blacker-than-Knight, Aug 19, 2011
  9. Why aye Cabaye

    Why aye Cabaye Active Member

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    Being a footballer works for the Bramble brothers. Mind you they don't really give the ladies a choice.
     
    #9
    Why aye Cabaye, Aug 19, 2011
  10. GeoMax

    GeoMax Member

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    Hypnotist?
     
    #10
    GeoMax, Aug 19, 2011

  11. overseasTOON

    overseasTOON Active Member

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    Bar-to-bar Rohypnol distributor...
     
    #11
    overseasTOON, Aug 19, 2011
  12. in carr we trust

    in carr we trust Member

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    central defender and captain for newcastle.
     
    #12
    in carr we trust, Aug 19, 2011
  13. Amnesiac

    Amnesiac Guest

    All you have to do is hit Titus, he's **** at defending.
     
    #13
    Amnesiac, Aug 19, 2011
  14. AH

    AH Active Member

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    Isn't on of them a woman at the minute anyway? <whistle> Unless she's a lesbian like then it might not be as effective ;) They change one of them every year apparently.

    I see them flying about most weeks <diva>
     
    #14
    AH, Aug 19, 2011
  15. Smudger

    Smudger Active Member

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    Being Yohan Cabaye would probably do the job. See if you can get some Cabaye face masks made <ok>
     
    #15
    Smudger, Aug 19, 2011
  16. Agent Bruce

    Agent Bruce Well-Known Member

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    I've still got one of the KK face masks, do you think that'll work?
     
    #16
    Agent Bruce, Aug 19, 2011
  17. Smudger

    Smudger Active Member

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    Doesnt have quite the same effect as Cabaye but you never know.
     
    #17
    Smudger, Aug 19, 2011
  18. Agent Bruce

    Agent Bruce Well-Known Member

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    KK mask and a Colo wig?
     
    #18
    Agent Bruce, Aug 19, 2011
  19. Smudger

    Smudger Active Member

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    Probably just scaring them at this point.
     
    #19
    Smudger, Aug 19, 2011
  20. holystone

    holystone Active Member

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    Bloke with pair of scissors!
     
    #20
    holystone, Aug 19, 2011
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