Doctor, my nob hurts...

With cream?

 

Doctor: I have some good news and some bad news.

Patient: What's the good new, doc?

Doctor: You are free from cancer.

Patient: That's great. What's the bad news?

Doctor: I've been shagging your missus for the last year. And I just injected you with a lethal dose of diamorphine.

 

I have good news and bad news ...

What's the good news ?

Your cancer is cured .

What's the bad news ?

You have Alzheimer's

What's the good news ?

 

I have good news and bad news ...

What's the bad news ?

We had to amputate your leg.

What's the good news ?

The fella in the next bed wants to buy your shoes.

 

Doctor, doctor, I think I've been repeatedly sodomized.

Let me take a look... look... look... look...

 

Doctor: I'm afraid I have some bad news.
Patient: What is it?
Doc: You only have 3 minutes to live
Patient: What can I do?
Doc: Well you could boil an egg

 

You look like a person that would exchange one of your chromosomes for a Big Mac.

 

Why are the palms of black people white? Because there's a little bit of good in everybody.