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The barnsley joke page

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by kiwiqpr, Mar 25, 2014.

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  1. Didley Squat

    Didley Squat Well-Known Member

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    You forgot ...... when talking to an idiot.

    "Why don't you pull a cows cnut over your head and let a bull Fcuk some sense into it"
     
    #1681
    Didley Squat, Jun 25, 2017
    San Diego, kiwiqpr and Wooperts_duck like this.
  2. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #1682
    kiwiqpr, Jun 26, 2017
    Didley Squat and San Diego like this.
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Can't see the attachment, kiwi :huh:
     
    #1683
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 26, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, Didley Squat and 1 other person like this.
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    What do you call a Frenchman killed in battle?

    The slowest runner.....
     
    #1684
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 26, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, Didley Squat and 1 other person like this.
  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I staggered in pissed out of my head last night.
    My wife stormed up to me and punched me in the face.
    I said "You should be a boxer"She said
    "Why, am I a hard puncher?"
    I said "No, your nose is flat and bent and you"re ugly".
     
    #1685
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 26, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, Didley Squat and 1 other person like this.
  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Mick: "Do you have an idol?"
    Paddy: "Yes, my dad. I worship the ground he rolls on."
    Mick: "Rolls? Is he in a wheelchair?"
    Paddy: "No, he"s a drunk."
     
    #1686
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 26, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, Didley Squat and 1 other person like this.
  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1687
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 26, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, Didley Squat and 1 other person like this.
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1688
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 26, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, Didley Squat and 1 other person like this.
  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1689
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 26, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, Didley Squat and 1 other person like this.
  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1690
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 26, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, Didley Squat and 2 others like this.

  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I got thrown out of the cinema for taking my own food yesterday.

    Been ages since I've had a barbecue.
     
    #1691
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 27, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, Didley Squat and 2 others like this.
  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1692
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 27, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, Didley Squat and 1 other person like this.
  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1693
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 27, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, Didley Squat and 1 other person like this.
  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I went to the doctor today to talk about contraception.
    She said "You could try French letters".
    I said "What"s that?"
    She said "Condoms"
    I said "I don"t like them".
    So she said "You should try the French Army method then".
    I said "What"s that?"
    She said "You pull out before you get into trouble!".
     
    #1694
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 28, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, Didley Squat and 1 other person like this.
  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1695
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 28, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, Didley Squat and 1 other person like this.
  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    If you're dating a dominatrix, never ever suggest it's time to hit the sack......
     
    #1696
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 28, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, San Diego and 1 other person like this.
  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My Mother-in-law researched her family tree recently and discovered she is a direct descendant of the Hitler family, which has shocked me to the core.
    She's the nicest, most tolerant person I've ever known and wouldn't harm a fly, so I'm finding it incredibly hard to believe.

    Although it does explain the moustache.
     
    #1697
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 30, 2017
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I went into Clinton cards today. I said to the woman behind the counter, "Do you sell bereavement cards? She said, "Yes, sir."

    So I said, "Could I exchange one for this get well soon card I bought yesterday?"
     
    #1698
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 30, 2017
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1699
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 30, 2017
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1700
    Wooperts_duck, Jun 30, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, UTRs, kiwiqpr and 1 other person like this.
Page 85 of 834
: this kiwi dont eat worms, kiwi never sleeps, kiwi was here, LIKE KIWI, kiwis watching you lot, kiwi farts a lot

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