Marv"s bad joke of the day A man walks in to a bar and sees a 12 inch man on the bar playing a piano. He asked the Barman where he got him from? The Barman replied I was walking the dog along the beach when I found a lamp gave it rub and a Genie appeared and gave me one wish only and here he is. That's brilliant said the man and he asked what did you do with the Lamp? The Barman replied I threw it in the reeds. So the man went off and when he eventually found the Lamp he gave it a rub and the Genie appears and grants him one wish. He said I'd like a million bucks the next thing he knows he's surrounded by a million ducks. He goes back to the bar and the Barman asks him if he found the Lamp? The man replied yes but I think he is deaf because I asked for a million bucks and was surrounded by a million ducks. The Barman replied You don't really think I asked for a 12.inch Pianist do you?
A big, brown bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings." The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings." The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar." The bartender says, "Are you deaf? We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings." The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer. The bartender states, "For the last time, we don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs." The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs." The bartender says, "Yes you are, that was a bar bitch you ate." I think it's funny, and an achievement if you can tell it when you're pissed
Superman is flying over cities looking for some action. He spots Wonderwoman sunbathing in a roof top completely naked, legs akimbo, moaning to herself. He swoops down, faster than the speed of light, has a few fast pumps, and deposits his super load inside her. "What was that?" Asks Wonderwoman. "I don't know, but my arse really hurts" Replies the Invisible Man.
Mickey Mouse in court. Judge says, "I'm sorry Mr Mouse, I cannot grant you divorce on the grounds that your wife has got buckteeth." Mickey said, "I didn't say she's got buckteeth, I said she's f**king Goofy"
Two cats, an English one and a French one are racing across the channel. The English one is called one two three, the French one un deux trois. Which one wins? The English one of course, as un deux trois cat cinq. ....works better spoken rather than written...
Popped out to New Forest Fencing in the week and saw an inordinate amount of little rabbits [well I thought so] Some of them were definitely in the 'too cute' bracket. Anyway, I notice one or two of you have a rabbit or three. I tend not to have pets these days, for various reasons, but O.M.G. I would certainly be trouble with this one: please log in to view this image If one little bunny did that in front of me I'd be finished. Putty in its little paws.
Man walks into a pub with a Giraffe. They start drinking, it goes on all night. The bar tender calls time. The man stands up and starts to stagger towards the door, the Giraffe makes a move and collapses. The man ignores it and carries on. The bar tender shouts " hey, you can't leave that lying there " the man replies " it's not a lion, it's a giraffe "...
Bear walks into a pub and says to the barman, "I'll have a pint of beer .... ... ...... .... .... and a packet of crisps, please" The barman says, "Why the big pause?"
My lad on England Player Pathway selection day for hockey today... #prouddad (Be very tough for him to progress from here, but he's done well to get this far)
Man walks into a pub and sees a horse serving behind the bar . He says to the horse " Why the long face " ?
