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Off Topic Heres a joke for you all

Discussion in 'Queens Park Rangers' started by kiwiqpr, Feb 23, 2012.

  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    please log in to view this image
     
    #2561
  2. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    CURRENCY NEWS FROM CANADA
    The Royal Canadian Mint has just announced
    they are going to remove the polar bear from the $2
    coin in view of its demise due to global warming.

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    Bowing to the dictates of political correctness, they will replace it with two gay deer.
    please log in to view this image

    The coin will now be called:


    “Twofuckin’ bucks!"
     
    #2562
  3. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.
    When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons.
    So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.
    The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk.
    Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"
    The blonde said,
    "No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."
    The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"
    The blonde said,
    "No, just up to my tits ...
    I can splash it on my eyes if I need to!"
     
    #2563
  4. GroveRanger

    GroveRanger Well-Known Member

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    Unashamed repeat of this one;

    My mate's uncle used to play the triangle for Bob Marley and the Wailers. He used to stand at the side of the stage and ting.
     
    #2564
    Wooperts_duck, kiwiqpr and Uber_Hoop like this.
  5. Uber_Hoop

    Uber_Hoop Well-Known Member

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    It's like an old friend! :)
     
    #2565
  6. Eamon Holmes

    Eamon Holmes Well-Known Member

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    She said she'd like to bathe in milk
    He said alright sweetheart
    And when he finished work one night
    He loaded up the cart
    He said you wanted pasturised
    Coz pasturised is best
    She says Ernie I'll be happy
    If it comes up to me chest
    And that tickled old Ernie (Ernie)
    And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west
     
    #2566
  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a *****lian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Taiwanese, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turkish, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean all go to a nightclub...

    The doorman stops them and says sorry I cant let you in without a Thai.
     
    #2567
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    William Shatner, alias Captain Kirk, has discontinued his ladies underwear range.

    In hindsight "Shatner Knickers" wasn't a good choice of name in the first place.
     
    #2568
  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Bear Grylls is set to bring out a range of alcoholic drinks, but it won't work.

    Fosters already have the lager that tastes of piss market covered!
     
    #2569
  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.
    When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons.
    So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.
    The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk.
    Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"
    The blonde said,
    "No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."
    The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"

    The blonde said,
    "No, just up to my tits ...
    I can splash it on my eyes if I need to!"
     
    #2570

  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Ireland"s worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery.

    Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging goes on into the night.
     
    #2571
  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Got stopped by a bloke the other day who asked me if a knew if there was a B&Q in Wallsall,

    I said don"t ask me mate a can"t fu*king spell.
     
    #2572
  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My lesbian neighbours asked me what I wanted for my birthday.

    I said I wanna watch.

    Got a lovely Tag Heur, but I think they misunderstood what I was asking for.....
     
    #2573
  14. peter1954qpr

    peter1954qpr Well-Known Member

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    Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm.
    He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV... The 10:00 news was on.

    The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

    The blonde looked at Jack and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

    Jack says, "You know what, I bet he will."

    The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."

    Jack placed £30 on the bar and said, "You're on!"

    Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death.

    The blonde was very upset and handed her £30 to Jack, saying, "Fair's fair... Here's your money."

    Jack replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump.

    "The blonde replies, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."
    Jack took the money...
     
    #2574
  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A young British soldier lost his head during a fire fight and ran for cover some distance from the action.
    He had not only lost his prized beret but had also lost his webbing and weapon.
    He was crouched down behind a wall when he felt a hand grip his shoulder and heard a calming American voice behind him say,
    "What the f*ck do you think you"re doing here, soldier? Think of your regiment...get back there and do what you"re paid to do."
    The young soldier got himself back under control and said, "Sorry, mate, you"re right."
    The voice behind him bellowed, "MATE? I am an American Officer!"
    The young soldier replied, "Sorry, Sir, I didn"t realise I"d run back that far."
     
    #2575
  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    please log in to view this image
     
    #2576
  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    If you ever Google 'Gary Oldman' for f*ck sake never forget the 'r.'
     
    #2577
  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I'm not saying the women in my local pub are ugly, but there's a paper bag machine in the gents.
     
    #2578
  19. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    just in case you missed it the other two times on this page

    A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.
    When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons.
    So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.
    The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk.
    Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"
    The blonde said,
    "No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."
    The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"
    The blonde said,
    "No, just up to my tits ...
    I can splash it on my eyes if I need to!"
     
    #2579
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Just testing kiwi, to see if you were fully alert - congratulations, you passed the test :emoticon-0148-yes: :)
     
    #2580
    Makemstine Roger and kiwiqpr like this.

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