Off Topic The Goodhand Arms
- Thread starter TheSecondStain
- Start date
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Wow, 2016 is having a right old sweep up. Historically, culturally, politically, it has been a terrible year. Yes, the celebrity deaths have coincided, but so have many less celebrated ones. 92 lost their lives in that air crash on Xmas Day. If anyone who dies is in our thoughts then they, and those they left behind, should be there every bit as much. I don't believe in astrology or litte fairies at the bottom of the garden. 2016 is not to blame. However, I've an awful feeling we're going to have to get used to saddening news for at least the next 4 years. And it won't necessarily be people dying that'll be at the top of the news.
One piece of evidence in a murder enquiry in America was supplied by the suspects smart water meter....it showed that he had used a large amount of water to hose down his patio when he said he was asleep. The police also collected evidence from his Amazon device near the pool....though they have not said that that had proved useful. I love the idea that you can be grassed up by your house. 
I still have a stupid meter - in fact it's so stupid that it can be slowed down with strategically placed magnets if I was criminally inclined. I haven't rushed to the front of the queue to get it replaced with one that does more than measure just in case times get hardOne piece of evidence in a murder enquiry in America was supplied by the suspects smart water meter....it showed that he had used a large amount of water to hose down his patio when he said he was asleep. The police also collected evidence from his Amazon device near the pool....though they have not said that that had proved useful. I love the idea that you can be grassed up by your house.
I still have a stupid meter - in fact it's so stupid that it can be slowed down with strategically placed magnets if I was criminally inclined. I haven't rushed to the front of the queue to get it replaced with one that does more than measure just in case times get hard
And I'm just plain stupid.! Back in 2001, when I moved back to Southampton, there was an early offer from Southern Water to get in early to install a free water meter. Stupidly, I just asked my eldest brother, who shook his head sagely and inhaled deeply before pronouncing that I shouldn't do it. Actually, my instinct was to go for it, but I took his advice. Years later, when I eventually had a meter installed I worked out that I could have saved about £2000+ had I'd had it installed back in 2001.
http://www.tmz.com/2016/12/28/debbie...alized-stroke/
Debbie Reynolds just suffered a medical emergency, which we're told is a possible stroke ... and EMTs just raced to the scene, TMZ has learned.
Debbie was at her son Todd Fisher's home in Beverly Hills and just after 1 PM someone from the house called 911.
We're told 84-year-old Debbie, whose daughter, Carrie, died Tuesday, has been distraught since Carrie's emergency Friday on a United jet.
Family sources tell us they called 911 to report a possible stroke.
The ambulance just took Debbie to a nearby emergency room.
Debbie was at Todd's house discussing funeral plans for Carrie.
Story developing ...
Ergh
Debbie Reynolds just suffered a medical emergency, which we're told is a possible stroke ... and EMTs just raced to the scene, TMZ has learned.
Debbie was at her son Todd Fisher's home in Beverly Hills and just after 1 PM someone from the house called 911.
We're told 84-year-old Debbie, whose daughter, Carrie, died Tuesday, has been distraught since Carrie's emergency Friday on a United jet.
Family sources tell us they called 911 to report a possible stroke.
The ambulance just took Debbie to a nearby emergency room.
Debbie was at Todd's house discussing funeral plans for Carrie.
Story developing ...
Ergh
http://www.tmz.com/2016/12/28/debbie...alized-stroke/
Debbie Reynolds just suffered a medical emergency, which we're told is a possible stroke ... and EMTs just raced to the scene, TMZ has learned.
Debbie was at her son Todd Fisher's home in Beverly Hills and just after 1 PM someone from the house called 911.
We're told 84-year-old Debbie, whose daughter, Carrie, died Tuesday, has been distraught since Carrie's emergency Friday on a United jet.
Family sources tell us they called 911 to report a possible stroke.
The ambulance just took Debbie to a nearby emergency room.
Debbie was at Todd's house discussing funeral plans for Carrie.
Story developing ...
Ergh
She's gone. R.I.P
Old Woman goes to see the Doctor and says
" I have these horrid farts , you can't smell them or hear them , but they are very painful "
He examines her then says " Take two of these tablets for 7 days and come back and see me " .
A week later she is back " Doctor , it's worse . They really stink now " .
Doctor replies .
" Well , that's your sense of smell sorted out , now to work on your hearing " .
" I have these horrid farts , you can't smell them or hear them , but they are very painful "
He examines her then says " Take two of these tablets for 7 days and come back and see me " .
A week later she is back " Doctor , it's worse . They really stink now " .
Doctor replies .
" Well , that's your sense of smell sorted out , now to work on your hearing " .
A girl invites her boyfriend over for dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner she wants to have sex with him for the first time. The boy is ecstatic, but nervous because he's a virgin.
So off he goes to the pharmacy to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist his situation and asks for advice. The pharmacist tells him everything there is to know about sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks how many condoms he'd like to buy: a 3-pack or a 10-pack. The boy says he feels lucky and insists on the 10-pack.
That night, the boy shows up for dinner a little late. His girlfriend meets him at the door leads him straight to the dinner table where her parents are already seated. The boy sits down, quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still silent with his head down. Five minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 10 minutes, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boy, "I had no idea you were this religious". The boy turns and whispers back "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!"
So off he goes to the pharmacy to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist his situation and asks for advice. The pharmacist tells him everything there is to know about sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks how many condoms he'd like to buy: a 3-pack or a 10-pack. The boy says he feels lucky and insists on the 10-pack.
That night, the boy shows up for dinner a little late. His girlfriend meets him at the door leads him straight to the dinner table where her parents are already seated. The boy sits down, quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still silent with his head down. Five minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 10 minutes, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boy, "I had no idea you were this religious". The boy turns and whispers back "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!"
This married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor.
The husband asks, "I notice you've been watching that man for some time now. Do you know him?"
"Yes" she replies, "He's my ex-husband, and has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago."
"That's remarkable" the husband replies, "I wouldn't of thought that anybody could celebrate that long."
The husband asks, "I notice you've been watching that man for some time now. Do you know him?"
"Yes" she replies, "He's my ex-husband, and has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago."
"That's remarkable" the husband replies, "I wouldn't of thought that anybody could celebrate that long."
Somebody broke into my house last night and helped themselves to my traditional festive German bread containing dried fruit and dusted with powdered sugar.
Police believe it may have been stollen to order.
Police believe it may have been stollen to order.
Sorry Fran,Helen etc 
Q: Is Google male or female?
A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
Q: Is Google male or female?
A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
Super-talented legendary threesome. One's TV childhood was filled with 1940-50-60's films, and Singing in the Rain was always shown over the Christmas season. They don't make them like that anymore.
Last time I sell you my spare ticketSorry Fran,Helen etc
Q: Is Google male or female?
A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
