Swansea Earthquake Appeal - please read A major earthquake measuring 4.7 on the Richter scale hit Swansea @ 14:31, Sat Feb 16th 2018 with it's epicenter near Townhill. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering 'faaackinell'. The earthquake decimated the area causing almost £30.00 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa del Sol were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken before their gyro's arrived. Local radio DJ, Andy Badger Miles from 'The Wave' and his giggling friend Emma, reported that hundreds of resident's were trying to come to terms that the fact that something interesting had happened in Swansea. One resident, Tracy Lloyd, a 15-year old mother of 5 said, 'It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through it all because they had a skinfull earlier that night. I was still shaking when I was skinned up and watching Jeremy Kyle show the next morning. Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal. The British Red Cross has managed to ship 4,000 crates of lager and sunny delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and bone china from the Poundshop. HOW CAN YOU HELP? This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing, parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after - items needed most include: Fila or Burberry baseball caps, Knappa tracksuit tops (his and hers), shell suits (female) White sports socks, Rockport boots and any other items usually sold in Tesco's or Asda. Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include: Microwave meals, tins of baked beans, ice cream, cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew. 22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms. £2.50 buys chips, crisps and a blue fizzy drink for a family of 9. £5.00 buys a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected. £10.00 buys a wrap of crack to help those really disturbed. ***BREAKING NEWS*** Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alco-pop, 'Where are you bleeding from?' they asked 'Townhill!' said the girl, 'wossit got to do wiv you mush?!'
Will, I had that (from a jack) last night in the pub and we were all crying reading it ....had to share it
Now that's the sort of thread we need on here........... You need to post it on the Wurzel board - they have a great sense of humour (not!).......... EDIT - on the other hand they may get some donations from over there.....
if you want to repost this elsewhere Sparks carry on , I won't do you for plagiarism seeing as I nicked myself
BREAKING NEWS OXFAM SEX SCANDAL. Male oxfam volunteers currently working in the Swansea area after the earthquake disaster have been advised to avoid certain areas unless escorted by security An OXFAM spokesman has stated that because lone uniformed males have been touched inappropriately by groups of women who rarely have any contact with men we have decided to issue the following warnings. Lone male workers will not attend areas where these attacks have occurred. Trimsaran, Cwmdare, Crynant, BurryPort ,Skewen,Morfa area of Llanelli,Baglan,Kidwelly and Ponyates. OXFAM will review other stricken areas as and when relief workers manage to reach more remote devastated towns
