Well I'll be damned.

Just flicking through the channels and what did I find? A Planet Of The Apes movie marathon. First up Charlton Heston. Can't wait for Helena Bonham Carter. Sexiest monkey I've ever seen. If they were all like her, I'd get right into this monkey rootin'.

 

Isn't that how the bad Aids got started?

 

She's not a monkey, she's an ape.

And she's mine.

I had a wet dream about Bonham-Carter when I was about 16.

She was playing football down the park with me and some mates and then I pumped her in front of them.

It was easily the best dream ever.

 

What's a wet dream

 

Aye, right ye are

 

Pishin' the bed?

I think you lot forget sometimes I'm not one of you.

 

I wouldn't want our kids to be too hairy though. Cost a fortune in ****in' hair cuts.

 

It's when you wake up and your bellend is glued to the bed sheet.

 

**** sake

Wish I hadn't asked now.

 

Ye have a sex dream in which you orgasm only to wake up to find you've ejaculated.

Teenage boys do it almost constantly.

 

Right, stop, I get the message <boak>

 

You know you've had a wet dream when you have to smash your sheets to fold 'em into the washing machine.

 

Adult males also do it if they huvny hud their hole or ****ed aff enough to get rid of the surplus. Our sperm factories never switch off.

 

Gotta say, the original movie isn't too bad. Well before it's time.

 

Just stop, ok?

 

It's educayshonal.

 

I'm a happily married bloke Mick. The wife is asleep on the couch behind me. I'm thinking of waking her and getting her to make me a cuppa.

 

Let us know how that works out for ye.

 

Those apes are mean mothers.