The Hypothetical Investment Thread

Works a bit slow today so thought I'd see what other people think:

Seeing as Mike and Lee have seen the error of their way's and are promising JC/any other potential managers some investment in the squad I thought it would be a bit of fun to see who people would like to be dragged kicking and screaming over the mythical line in the summer.

Obviously we aren't going to clear the squad and start afresh so I'd suggest you have 5 out right purchases up to £30 million and 3 replacements for players you think will/would like to go (equal or less value than you think we could sell for).

My five purchases in no order would be:

1, Sam Bryam (Leeds, R/LB) £4m
2, Ron Vlaar (Aston Villa, CB) £5m
3, Samuel Umtiti (Lyon, CB) £7m
4, Nathan Redmond (Norwich, RW) £7m
5, Ings/Austin (Burnley/QPR, CF) £12m

I think all of these are reasonable ideas for purchase at decent prices (depending on Villa and QPR/Burnley going down) although i have overspent...

My three replacements would be:
Obertan (£1m) - Ayew (free)
Williamson (bag of peanuts) - cheating a bit but i'd stick with Lacelles as a fifth option at CB
Tiote £7m - I over spent on the incoming players so I'll give MA this one for free ha-ha.

The first two I'm hoping will go and Tiote I think is already packed and heading off. I'm sure Sissoko will go but I'm being delusional and saying there will be no other out goings but if there are obviously they need replacing!

 

I like Scott Sinclair.
City would sell and it would mean Helen Flanaghan and her unfeasibly large in the region.

 

I'd also get Ryan Gauld back from Portugal.

 

Danny Ings, Ryan Gauld, Scott Sinclair, Andre Ayew. Young and would improve us considerably.
Defense is where we really need to strengthen though.

 

I believe Ron Vlaars contract is due to run out. Also Carlos Zambrano on frankfurt would be free. I'd take him in a heartbeat. Great player, probably on **** wages, and still 25. I would Like Ayew in, I think he would be perfect for the Prem. Sidney Sam has been rumoured and I think that would make sense as well. Here is my list

Zambrano - Free
Ayew - Free
Sam - 10m
Carillo - 12m
Schlupp - 3m?
Ings - Free
Leroy Fer - 6m?

I think this would be great for us. Tiote, Williamson, Obertan, anita can all walk. I think that would be an impressive team.

GK - Krul, Darlow
CB's - Lascelles, Zambrano, Coloccini, Saylor, Satka
Rb - Janmaat , Raylor
LB, Schlupp, Haidara, Dummet
CM's - Colback, Abeid, Sissoko, Fer
Attacking player - Ayew, Sam, Carillo, Perez, De jong, Aarons, Cabella, Chambers
Strikers - Cisse, Ings, Riviere, Armstrong

I would piss my pants if this happened. Thats a very nice team.

 

Indeed it is. http://www.transfermarkt.co.uk/ron-vlaar/profil/spieler/30697

So I didn't over spend after all... ASHLEY, ASHLEY, GIVE ME THE JOB!!!

 

I can see Vlaar coming to us. He'll be free and he's been injury prone of late. A perfect match for Newcastle.

 

That is some canny team there.

 

RYAN GAULD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you say, makes sense

 

There will be the minimal investment with the odd freebie but that **** Carver will become full time manager by mid July. You can bet the house on that and that will finish us off and by the time they react to it, it may well be too late. Pack of ****s the lot of them.

Please never mention Scott Sinclair's name again. He would only take Obertan's place as a headless chicken bastard or even worse, be playing alongside of him.

 

First we'd need to offload to create space /funding.

So to start I would get rid of fat hairy arsed ACS to the Mackems. He costs a fortune promises so much but never delivers.

Then JPF who is a shadow of his former self and now dead wood.

Finally Fredor. It's a harsh world and we can't have hangers on no matter how much they want to support NUFC.

I did think of Nev too as he seems to have lost all confidence but then he is good at the whole prediction league thingy AND a useful adversary in the KGB/Mafia games so I'll allow him another season on a Zero Hours contact.

That should allow us scope to bring in some quality.

 

Scott Sinclair

 

What has happened to JPF?
This living amongst the mackems thing he's got going, is affecting him more than he'll admit, if you ask me...
The fear of growing the 6th finger can't be good for his mental health.

 

Gotta agree with BRS don't mention the useless waste of space.

 

I think he was hoping his '6th finger' would grow but it's still the smallest.

 

It get's worse.
He apparently has started liking cheesy chips and pronouncing Sunderland, SUNLUN.

 

Apparently JPF doesn't post any more because he is addicted to watching reruns of the old 70s/80s show MONKEY!

 

Aye, and the reason is ,he does't know if he fancies the monk or not.... clearly confused.......

 

Obviously you fancied Pigsy.

 

Always fancied learning the Japanese for 'squeal pigsy squeal'.