In the interest of inclusiveness and maintaining Nigel’s philosophy of together as one and on the advice of the Head Teacher of a local school the Club has decided to introduce a new system of awards this year. Instead of just one Player award the following categories will be made available and fans will be able to vote for their current Saint’s player/individual of choice in each category. 1. Best English goal keeper award. 2. Best Portuguese centre back award. 3. Best Dutch centre back award. 4. Best good looking French midfielder award. (sponsored by you know who) 5. Best bald headed midfielder award. 5. Best Brazilian player receiving unfair abuse from moronic fans award. 6. Best scouse striker award. 7. Best midfield player whose name sounds like a piece of fruit award. 8. Most highly over rated Belgian winger award. 9. Best player to have beside you in a pub when the punches start flying award. 10. Best Japanese striker award. 11. Best striker who hasn’t received an award award . 12. Best cockney midfielder award. 13. Manager who uses the most management speak clichés award. 14. Best ever Swiss/German owner award. 15. Best Chief Executive with a girl’s name award. 16. Best Polish goalkeeper award. 17. The award for anyone who hasn’t yet received an award. Etc. etc. Now for the must do better/need to work harder awards: 1. The far too bossy security announcer award. 2. The lousy stadium sound system award. 3. The need to get your ticket office's act together award. 4. The run out of paper towels in the lavatory before half time award. 5. The incomprehensible half time entertainer award. And finally the done really well awards. 1. The brilliant job of keeping the pitch in tip top condition award. 2. The whoever thought up the great fun of Kids relay racing around the pitch at half time award. There will be lots more awards so that no one feels neglected or left out. Watch this space. The results will be announced shortly. I hope you will be able to cope with the suspense.
Brilliant post, I almost sprayed my tea over the screen. I am going to have push the new button thingies for that.
I think there is not enough suspense in these awards. How about the Award for the item on the menu with the least nutritional value. That should be close. Or Player who divides opinion between fans the most-at least three highly tipped runners there. Or the award for the Stand with the Best Fans-although that will vary depending upon where I happen to be sitting.
For Harding it has to be best floppy blonde hair award. Also best Irish short person award. And best square head award. Best midfielder who can't score but isn't French. Best assistant manager who is really lanky award Best coach who wears his glasses over his eyebrows award?
That's the spirit. Now should there be awards for fans? I would suggest the biggest prats always moaning about Guly even when he isn't playing award and I would like to present it to the blokes who sit behind me.
