I used to have one of those boats. One day I was out on the GareLoch paddling around and I was freezing so I decided to start a fire, naturally the boat melted and sunk. Moral of the story.... You can't have your Kayak and heat it.
I was at a Chess covention which was being held in a posh Glasgow hotel, the best players were all in the entrance bragging about the games they had won and how. Imagine my surprise when the Manager chased them all off the premises. I asked him why and he replied "I can't stand Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer"
Went to the doctors last week cos every time i broke wind it sounded like a motorbike! He looked up my bot and said 'looks like you have an abscess'. 'Abscess? I said 'Of course' he said....'abscess makes the fart go Honda!!!'