Little lad playing with his train set. Stops the train & says," to those getting off, hurry up & **** off. to those getting on, theres no ****ing seats left, so **** right off up the back." His mam is dumbfounded, "you foul mouthed little boy. Go to your room and don't come down for 2hrs." 2hrs later, little lad come back down & plays with the trains again, stops the train & says "to those disembarking please check you have all your belongings & have a nice day. To all those boarding we hope you have a very pleasent journey. And to those of you who are upset at the 2hr delay, blame that fat cow in the kit chen.
Why can’t scientists find a cure for AIDS? They can’t get the laboratory mice to arse ****
I took a drink over to a woman in the pub. She said: 'And what the **** are you expecting in return? Buy that slapper a drink and you'll get a blow job in the alley, is that what they're saying? Because if it was I don't do that anymore.' 'It was my round mum
*******WARNING******* Dont join the new Tescos Dating Agency Service I did, and ended up with a bag for life
Have you ever noticed, that trying to find a fit bird at the pub is a bit like playing crazy golf. You want the perfect hole but your balls nearly always end up bouncing round some fat hippos teeth?
The train one is the best so far. Karen is still pissing herself laughing and I'm still wiping the tears away
I've just got out of hospital after having a mole removed from my penis. The RSPCA let me off with a warning this time.
2 rats down a sewer. 1st rat says, "****ing sick of this, **** for breakfast, **** for dinner, **** for tea." 2nd rat says, "cheer up man, we'll be on the piss later"
Paddy's walking down the road when he sees a shop with a sign in the window, "pies £1, ****s 50p" He go's in & ask the sexy girl behind the counter, "are you the one that gives ****s/" "Yes I am", she says. "Well wash you ****ing hands & I'll have a mince pie" Nee offence Danny mate.
3 old scousers sitting in a Liverpool pub discussing the worst winters Merseyside has ever seen. 1st one says,"1943, now that was bad, snowed for months." 2nd one says"no man, 1951 was far worse than that, we still had snow in April." 3rd one says" no, it's definately Mike & Bernie"
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.The librarian says; "**** off, you won't bring it back."
I just had an argument with a girl I know. She was saying how that it's unfair that if a fella ****s a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl ****s just two fellas in a year, she's a slut.So in response I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a ****ty lock.That shut her up.
No mention of our the neighbours from hell yet? Allow me. 53,000 Geordies meet in St James Park for a "Geordies Are Not Stupid" convention. Alan Shearer addresses the crowd "We are all here today to prove to the world that Geordies are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer please". To loud applause Gazza gingerly works his way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. Shearer asks him "What is 15 plus 15?" After 15 or 20 seconds Gazza says, "Eighteen!" Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then the Geordies start chanting "Give him another chance! Give him another chance!" Shearer says "Well since we have a capacity crowd, world-wide press and global broadcast media here, I think we can give him another chance". So he asks "What is 5 plus 5?" After nearly 30 seconds he eventually says, "Ninety?" Shearer looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh. Everyone is disheartened and Gazza starts crying. But then the 53,000 Geordies begin to yell and wave their hands shouting "GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!" Shearer, unsure whether he is now doing more harm than good eventually says, "What is 2 plus 2?" Silence hangs over the stadium. Gazza closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?" Pandemonium breaks out throughout the stadium as the Geordie crowd stand to a man, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream.................. "GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!"
