Frank always looked on the bright side. He would constantly irritate his friends with his eternal optimism. No matter how horrible the circumstance, he would always reply "It could have been worse." To cure him of his annoying habit, his friends decided to invent a situation so completely bad, so terrible, that even Frank could find no hope in it. On the golf course one day, one of them said, "Frank, did you hear about Tom?" "He came home last night, found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both, and then turned the gun on himself!" "That's awful," said Frank, "but it could have been worse." "How in the hell," asked his bewildered friend, "could it have been worse?" "Well," replied Frank, "if it happened the night before, I'd be dead now!"
My mate said a new diversity manager started at his firm and held a meeting wanting fellow department heads to get the business more involved in the concept,he was asked to do a piece for the pride movement seemingly he didn't grasp the idea and he's now trying to get rid of fifteen lions
The strangest thing that happened to me when I worked at the United Nations was the time I got asked to get Kofi Annan a gram of cocaine. I picked up the phone. "Kofi," I said, "right now the only one I can think of is 'oceanic'"
A baker hires a young female assistant who likes to wear very short skirts and skimpy panties. One day a young man enters the shop, glances at the new girl and at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing her short skirt, and the location of the raisin bread, he says “I’d like some raisin bread, please.” The girl nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread on the very top shelf. The man, standing almost directly beneath her, has an excellent view, just as he thought. When she descends he says that he had better get two loaves, 'cos he is “having company for dinner.” As the girl goes back up for the second loaf, one of the other male customers notices what’s going on and requests his own loaf of raisin bread. After a few trips she is tired and irritated, and begins to wonder “why so much demand for the raisin bread ?” At the top of the ladder one more time, she looks down and glares at the men standing below, and notices an elderly man standing in the queue. Thinking that she can save herself a trip, she says to the elderly man "Is it raisin for you, too ?” “No” stammers the old man, “but it’s quivering a little
Husband: Call ambulance, fast ! I am having heart attack... Wife ( Took his mobile ) : Quick !Tell me the password ! Husband : It's ok ! I am feeling better now
Sam died and his Will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral. As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Helen, turned to her oldest friend. "Well, I'm sure that Sam would have been pleased," she said. "I'm sure that you're right," replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. "How much did it really cost?" "All of it," said Helen. "Thirty thousand." "No!" Jody exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?" Helen answered, "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church. The wake, food and drinks were another $500. The rest went to buy the memorial stone." Jody computed quickly. "$22,500 for a memorial stone ? My God, how big is it ?" "Two and a half carats !"
