John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's room-mate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his female room-mate and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the room-mate than met the eye. Reading his mum's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just room-mates." About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" John said, "Well, I doubt it but I'll write her a letter just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you did take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you did not take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love John" Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you do sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you don't sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.
Our local baker has started selling bigger apple based pastries designed for two and said his turnover since had increased
presumably if you have shares in any of the hand sanitiser manufacturers you must be rubbing your hands together!
now the 4th jab is being rolled out for vulnerable people i'm awaiting a proper one that would make you immune to the government
Can you believe it? My Income Tax return form has been sent back to me because, in response to question 4, "Do you have anyone dependant on you?", I replied :"4.1 million Illegal Immigrants, 1.1 million Crackheads, 4.4 million Unemployable Jeremy Kyle Nation Scroungers, 900,000 Criminals in over 85 Prisons, Plus 650 Idiots in Parliament and the Whole of the European Commission pension scheme." They said this was not an acceptable answer! So, who the hell did I miss out then?.......
currently reading "purples nose's" autobiography but i'm having trouble finishing the book every time i get near the end there appears to be six extra pages added on
The Pope decides to liven things up at the Vatican and announces that he will be hosting a darts tournament. Things go swimmingly and in the final it is a close contest between Father O'Neil and Sister Margaret. As master of ceremonies the Pope is calling out the scores and up comes Father O'Neil who throws an excellent treble 20 "Sixty!" the Pope calls out, next shot is just over the wire "Twenty!" calls the Pope. Father O'Neil's next dart smacks against the wire and flies back off the board hitting Sister Margaret straight in the eye, the force pushes it into her brain and she drops down dead. The Pope then calls out........ "ONE NUN DEAD AND EIGHTY!"
hey rog…. Congrats on your ‘there were two nuns in a bath…’ award for oldest joke yet on the jokes thread. Fine work fella.
