A man asked his wife “What would you do if I won the lottery?” She replied “I’d take half and leave you” “Great” he said, “I won £10, so here’s £5… stay in touch”
A teacher was teaching her class about the difference between right & wrong. "Let's take an example. If I were to get into a man's pocket & take his wallet with all his money, what would I be?" A little boy raises his hand and with a confident smile, says, "You'd be his wife!"
I didn't think that my uncle liked me but apparently he has left me a large building in his will. Does anyone know where Sod Hall is ?
My mate Dave's always been the kind of bloke that gets stressed over everything, but lately he doesn't seem like he's got a care in the world. "Why are you so laid back all of a sudden?" I asked him. "I've hired a professional to worry about all my problems for me," he replied. "Only costs me a grand a week." "A grand a week? How the hell are you going to afford that?" I asked. "F**k knows. That's his problem."
There was a mix up of babies at a maternity home and they three children left over. Three fathers, an Englishman, a Welshman and a Pakistani were ll waiting. The doctor said "Go in, one at a time, and choose the baby you think is yours". The Englisman went in first and came out with a brown baby. The doctor queried this. "But you are white, why have you chosen the brown baby?" "I wasn't going to take a chance on it being Welsh."
