I bought a pair of trainers of my dealer the other day. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.
I got banned from B&Q today. Some dickhead in an orange apron came up to me and asked if I wanted decking. Lucky I got my punch in first.
Doctors surgery. D Good morning, what seems to be the problem? P it’s a bit embarrassing! D well, I’ve been a doctor over 20:years, I think I’ve heard most problems P I’ve got a cricket ball stuck up my arse D I beg your pardon, what did you say!? P I’ve got a cricket ball stuck up my arse, I told you it was embarrassing! D How’s that? P Don’t you ****ing start!!.....
I got a phone call from the school yesterday, they said that my son had been telling lies. I told them that he must be very good at it, as I don't have a son.
A man is given one wish by a Genie, 'Wish for anything you want' 'I want to be Rich !' says the man 'Your wish is my command Richard' says the Genie.
I found a wallet yesterday with £20 in it. I didn't know whether to hand it in or keep it. So I thought to myself 'What would Jesus do ?' So I turned it into Wine.
My brother didn't cope very well when he was sent to Jail He refused to eat, or drink, smashed up his room and smeared **** all over the walls. After that, we never played Monopoly again.
I went to the fart doctors and said fart I can’t fart stop farting every few fart seconds fart I keep farting the doctor goes out the room and comes back in with a big pole I said bloody fart hell you aren’t fart going to shove that up fart my arse are you he says no I am going to open the window you ****ing stink
